


Viva la Rothstein

by CreativeLiterature



Series: Bam-world [1]
Category: Jackass (Movies) RPF, Viva La Bam RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:46:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 24,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29120679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreativeLiterature/pseuds/CreativeLiterature
Summary: Missy Rothstein aspires to be a model. She joins Bam Margera's Viva la Bam to make the right connections for her future.
Relationships: Bam Margera/Jenn Rivell
Series: Bam-world [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2091168





	1. Prologue

_A/N: This is a work of fiction and didn’t happen. No libel or slander intended; no profit is being made. The events portrayed in this story are fictional and do not reflect on the actual people written about._

Missy folded the blue robes of her graduation gown, the cap with its tassel, and smiled in the mirror. She stood up from the chair, met her mom and sister by the door, and posed with her stepfather aiming the camera.

“Say cheese,” he uttered, and Missy showed pearly whites.

The service wound long, and Missy clutched her bachelor’s degree in the back seat, watching the scenery pass by. Her mom Marian sat in the front passenger, chatting to Kevin who glanced in his mirrors. Jessica sat beside her, paging through a magazine, curling a strand of hair in her fingers as she came upon an advertisement.

“I’ll be one of those,” Missy smiled, glanced over and pointed.

“A model?” Jessica sniffed. “You’re right.”

Missy laughed and watched Jessica’s nose ring. “I want to get one of those.”

“Really?” Jessica scrunched up her nose. “It wouldn’t suit you.”

“Darker hair would suit me,” Missy folded her arms, and glanced out the window.

The car pulled up in the driveway. Bags were unloaded, keys found in Marian’s handbag, and everyone poured into the house. Missy pried open the lid of an ice cream tub, and doled out bowls while Marian and Kevin pulled curtains and bid goodnight.

Jessica helped Missy eat the remainder of the tub.

“You think it’ll be any different?” Jessica asked, as she and Missy climbed the stairs to their bedrooms.

“Westchester?” Missy scrunched up her nose. “Maybe. It’s been four years.”

“It’s not like you haven’t visited,” Jessica gestured. “Check out your room.”

Missy peeked inside, and Jessica left her to it. The bed had the same coverlet, the computer with the broken mouse ball, the picture frames and scrapbooks, the closet of clothes that were too big.

Now she was an adult, free from the lazy college life and its demands, and out into the big world.

“I will be a model,” Missy spoke out loud, eyeing the corkboard on the wall with its collage of cut outs, and changed for bed.


	2. Chapter 2

The morning brought with it a haze and a delicious delight. Nestled in her sheets, Missy heard the lawn mower whizzing, and glanced out her window to see Kevin hard at work. She grabbed a towel from the linen closet, hung it in the bathroom and showered to emerge in steam.

Her closet only held the clothes which were not her style anymore. She wanted jeans, black boots, and hoop earrings.

Downstairs, a tableau was set. Marian was doling out bacon and eggs with a pitcher of orange juice, and Jessie glanced up as her sister approached.

“He’s so good to me,” Marian smiled, and the girls watched Kevin through the window, pausing to wipe his brow.

“I’m going job huntin’ today,” Missy decreed, and her mom and sister nodded. “Duffer’s has got an opening. There’s one at Kildare’s, the Birds and the Bees, 21 North - “

“The Birds and the Bees?” Marian put her hand on her heart. “Tell me you’re not thinking of applying there.”

“Course,” Missy shrugged, taking a bite. “It’s not that bad.”

“What if you get it?” Marian stared. “How will I face the ladies at the salon?”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” Missy chuckled, and shared a look with Jessica, who frowned. “What?”

“I thought you wanted to be a model,” Jessica pointed out.

“This is the road,” Missy wiped her lips with a paper napkin. “From now on, I have to watch what I eat.”

“You’re barely a quarter of a century old,” Marian shook her head. “Wait till you’re my age, my girl. Looking at something fattening puts a tire round my waist.”

“Well, I’m going to stick to it,” Missy rose. “Jessica, can I use your mouse? My one’s broken, and I’ve got to work out what font I’m using for my resumes.”

“You’ll need to get more printer paper, we’re out,” Marian called. “If you want to go somewhere, I’ll drop you off.”

“No need,” Missy called airily. “There’s my old bike in the garage. I’ll keep in shape.”

Marian shook her head at Jessica as Missy trounced upstairs.

The day was warm, and Missy smiled to see neighbors or acquaintances of her mother’s, people she once knew, a teacher from her high school, and chatted with them all. She passed Fairman’s, where a group of little skateboarders pressed their sweaty fingers against the glass, and the bell above the door rang as she entered.

“Hey, Missy,” the proprietor’s gaze ranged as he straightened with a smile.

“Any jobs going?” Missy asked breezily.

“Not at the moment,” he scratched his beard. “Just brought on a new kid. He hasn’t broken any shelves or stolen from the petty cash.”

“Then I’ll leave this with you,” Missy reached into her handbag. “Just in case he fucks up.”

“I think it’s great,” Missy modeled it in the mirror.

Jessica cradled a stuffed toy from Missy’s bed, sitting on the edge. Missy wore her hair down, a black knit body con, a pair of strappy heels.

“Try this,” Jessica pulled out a gold necklace hanging from a hook.

“Yes… “ Missy fastened it with Jessica’s help, and spritzed on some perfume.

“Who’s this with?” Jessica sniffed. “You know I’d come, but I don’t want to.”

Missy laughed. Jessica wrinkled her nose and mussed Missy’s bed.

“Well, there’ll be Bri of course. Natalie. Beth,” Missy nodded as she counted. “And I suppose maybe they’ve invited some others. We’re meeting at Kildare’s.”

“Sounds fancy,” Jessica rolled her eyes. “You know you have to give my mouse back, right?”

“Take it,” Missy snorted. “I’ll get a job soon enough and buy my own.”

Missy joined the girls around the booth, and signaled as the bartender brought the round of drinks. They clinked glasses and drank up, bobbing to the music, conversation alight, the haze of cigarette smoke and cocktail napkins spread out and sticky surfaces from spilled beer.

“Oh, look who it is,” Bri bent to Missy, and the girls turned as one.

“Isn’t that Bam?” Missy scrunched up her nose.

Bam Margera walked through the crowd, shaking hands and grinning. With him came his posse, a collection of guys each different, eyes ranging, hands itching for liquor or cigarettes, no different than any other guy in Westchester or beyond.

“I saw him the other week when I went out late to the store,” Natalie drew out a cigarette. “Some guy was filming him pushing one of his friends in a shopping cart.”

“What happened?” Beth frowned, and the girls sat with puzzled looks.

“What do you think?” Natalie blew out smoke. “They get hurt. That’s all they do.”

At this, Bam noticed the girls. His friends turned, and recognition dawned.

“Melissa,” Bam stepped forward. “Haven’t seen you since WC East.”

“We bumped into each other two years ago, when I visited my mom,” Missy nodded, and introduced her friends. Bam’s posse took note, flashing wide grins. “I was at Penn State.”

“Brandywine?”

“University Park,” Missy added. “We were just about to get up and dance.”

“Were we?” Bri sniffed, and found herself the only one left sitting. “I’ll watch our bags… ”

Missy took to the floor with Natalie and Beth, and soon found themselves mingling with Bam’s posse.

“Yo,” Bam nodded. “This is Dico - Raab - Dunn - Novak.”

“Hold on a minute,” Beth squeaked. “This is a ladies night. Not for  _ guys _ .”

“We’ll play easy,” Novak’s eyes lit up, and the girls shared a look.

“Let’s ditch this place,” Bam sneered. “I wanna skate. Wanna join?”

“Do we want to babysit? No thanks,” Natalie held her drink above the crowd.

Bam and his boys left the bar. Missy felt a nudge, saw a guy grinding up against her, and quickly found her seat. Bri wore a look of I-told-you-so.

“Don’t,” Missy snapped. “God, it felt like a dismembered animal.”

“Maybe you should’ve gone with them,” Bri plucked her straw and sipped.

“You know, Jenn used to babysit Bam,” Missy found her pack of cigarettes, and the girls went outside for fresh air.

Late night traffic whizzed by and streetlamps illuminated passersby in either direction.

“Jenn?” Beth pursed her lips. “The girl he’s dating?”

Missy nodded and blew out smoke. The girls shivered and resolved to fetch car keys.

In her bedroom, hazy and euphoric, Missy plucked a group photo of her friends from the corkboard on the wall. She had taken the shot, and her girl friends wore smiles and clutched one another.

“It’s time to start making real memories,” she said aloud, kicking off her heels, removing her bra with relief, curling up in bed.

The gap in the curtains lent faint moon light, and she kissed the photo. She put it on her bedside table, and turned to watch the stars and dream.


	3. Chapter 3

“I think it’s a great look,” April smiled.

“Do you think so?” Missy brushed the hair from her face. “I mean, I did pay for it. I shouldn’t say that!”

“Oh, hon. Shorter’s in nowadays,” April sniffed, and rang her up at the counter.

The salon was busy, and Missy rifled through her handbag. Outside, she paid court to a wandering friend, and promised to have lunch sometime. She drove her new car back to her mom’s, who despaired at her haircut.

“I liked your hair long,” Marian said softly.

“It runs fine,” Missy turned to the car, determined to change the subject.

“Well, it’s your money now,” Marian sighed. “Well, your father’s money.”

“He’s been gone since my senior year,” Missy took a deep breath. “It’s time for me to move forward.”

“And you think I haven’t?” Marian splayed her palm against her chest, and both ladies noticed a truck coming down the street. “Shush, Kevin’s coming.”

Missy rolled her eyes, and headed inside. “I’m gonna head for a run.”

Stroud Preserve was a thick blanket of green, interspersed with trees and a babbling brook under a bridge. Fields of flowers spread out with a winding dirt path and the occasional passersby. Missy took out her drink bottle and watched the view as she tied her laces and kept an easy pace.

She reached the bridge, and jumped to hear a kayak splashing in the water. A pair of buff guys picked up their oars, and Missy, feeling like she was watching too hard, continued her journey.

She stumbled upon a dog marking its territory, and the owner who swung a doggy bag and tried to hide it when she ran near.

The sunlight burned as she treaded the track, and she circled wide for another loop. Exhausted, she came upon the parking lot, and saw the pair of guys loading their kayak atop their vehicle. She stopped and smiled, and they nodded politely and clambered into their vehicle.

Slightly dispirited, Missy fetched the keys to her car, and drove home for a well deserved shower.

“You’re not going out at this hour?” Marian glanced over her shoulder, on the sofa where she sat.

Jessica became tense beside her mother; both of them glanced to Missy, poised on the periphery.

“It’s my new job,” Missy’s lips pursed.

“Don’t tell me,” Marian glanced round at Jessica who merely prompted a response. “ _That place_.”

“Yes, they were the only one who called back,” Missy shrugged. “And there’s not much to it, and it wasn’t that bad when I went for the interview. It’s run by women!”

“Oh, that makes it better, does it?” Marian shook her head. “God, what is this family coming to? What will I tell Kevin?”

“Tell him what you like,” Missy rolled her eyes, and jerked her head at Jessica. “Thanks for backing me up.”

“You had it,” Jessica hid her gaze, mumbling, and Missy rattled the windows as she shut the door.

The cash register jingled and stuck, and the man on the other side of the counter looked around warily, surefire of his purchase in the unlabeled carrier bag, and scurried out. The store was empty, and Missy’s coworker was a young girl assembling racks, pulling clothes out of cardboard boxes, skimpier than most, some edible.

On a shelf, some purchases collected dust. In the changing vestibule, a couple discarded items lay on the chair inside the stall.

“This is about as interesting as it gets,” her coworker snapped gum, and smiled. “You’d think there’d be lots of sleazy guys in here, but nope. I think they’re too scared.”

Movement by the doorway alerted Missy to stand straighter, and recognition to flood into her face.

“Jenn?” Missy cried.

“Hey,” Jenn waved, an easy look coming upon her features.

The two girls hugged, and broke apart.

“I’m here for myself, actually,” Jenn chuckled. “I’m looking for a new thong. Something sexy. Bam ripped mine.”

Missy showed her several displays, and Jenn left the changing door ajar.

“This one looks good,” Jenn stepped out, and pirouetted.

“They all do,” Missy smiled. “You’d get me good commission if you did.”

“I’m sure I would,” Jenn smiled slowly. “Say, how would you like to come round to Bam’s sometime? He mentioned he saw you out at Kildare’s, the other night.”

“It was me and my friends, actually - “ Missy paused. “It was an impromptu thing, you know.”

“I was at my mom’s, so,” Jenn shrugged. “But you know we should go out for sushi. Kooma’s still open.”

“Oh, yeah. Totally,” Missy replied, relieved with a smile. “Well, I’ll ring up your purchases!”

Glad, Missy tallied the total and wrapped up the thongs. Jenn watched her with a smart look.

“Your hair looks nice,” Jenn nodded. “I’ve been thinking about dying a strand black.”

“I’d love to go darker. My mom pitched a fit when she saw me today,” Missy blew her fringe out of her face.

“Well, this was good,” Jenn ranged her eyes over Missy. “I’ll call you. What’s your number?”

“I’m totally lost on remembering things,” Missy pulled out a Post-It.

“Tell me about it,” Jenn raised her eyebrows. “I mean, it’s all the time with me.”

The Post-It was scribbled on and tucked away in Jenn’s handbag, and Missy watched her go.

“She’s a tough chick,” the coworker nodded.

“She’s pretty rock and roll,” Missy counted the petty cash.

“I mean, for all the shit she goes through with her boyfriend,” the coworker shook her head. “I wouldn’t want to be her. Dudes around here are thick enough not to buy you dinner or clean up after themselves. She’s putting herself in his way for what? That movie Haggard?”

Missy pursed her lips, and the coworker spat her gum into the trash can with a ping.

“It can’t be that bad,” Missy shrugged. “He has a lot of friends, and Westchester’s boring.”

“He’s hit on me, you know. And it’s not just me,” the coworker fiddled with a product. “He’s got loads of groupies. He’s getting famous.”

“Well, I want to be famous,” Missy flipped over the printed plastic wrap of a garment, where a girl posed in lingerie. “Maybe not something like this. But it’s a start. And who knows where it’ll take me?”


	4. Chapter 4

“Oh, hurry up,” Natalie stamped her feet. “Miss, we’re waiting!”

Missy stamped out her cigarette and hurried into the car. The girls drove into Westchester, and parked two blocks away from Rex’s. The crowd was humming and packed when they entered.

“Find us a booth,” Natalie cried.

“There aren’t any,” Missy tugged her arm.

The girls procured a space at the bar, and were served drinks expediently. Cocktails were theirs with paper napkins slid to the floor, and a patron spilled his beer over them.

“There they are,” Natalie’s eyes glowed. “Look!”

Missy saw Clutch setting up their drums and microphone, the dark beard and blue eyes of the vocalist, and sound check was performed while around them, the crowd hemmed in.

“God, I need to pee,” Natalie squeezed. “Wait for me!”

Missy came with, and decried the conditions as she stole toilet paper to wipe her underarms with. Natalie uneasily pulled up her pants as she tried to maneuver around the cubicle.

“I do  _ not _ envy whoever cleans this place up,” Natalie sniffed, and wiped her hands on her jeans.

Emerging into the bar, Natalie linked arms with Missy and the two pushed their way as close to the front as they could get. A taller guy offered to hoist Natalie on his shoulders, which he did.

“Only room for one of ya,” he winked at Missy, and she stared forward.

“Whoo!” Natalie cried, a fixture and a vision for all.

The vocalist took up his microphone, and belted out his verse, and Missy waved her arms and jived, the noise ringing in her ears, the crowd shoving, a spill of beer against her leg. She turned and felt the hard on of the guy behind her, and switched sides with the taller guy, who tapped her on the shoulder and helped her move out the way of the crew.

“God, this is depressing,” Missy said, drowned in the tumult.

She stole a bar stool while the crowd raged in the pit, and took another drink while she swayed on her own. This was a signal, and one not returned by the looks of those who saw easy meat.

As the first song died down, Natalie caught Missy’s gaze and requested assistance to get down from the man’s shoulders, and joined her on the bar stool beside.

“You look whacked,” Natalie giggled. “Order me whatever you’ve got.”

The girls sipped and stared off company and ducked in for another round in the crowd. They held hands and swayed, Natalie’s hair flying as she banged her head to the music, and Missy stamped her feet and grinned and rocked out with arms flailing.

The commencement of several songs left the band to break, and from backstage came Bam, shaking hands with the vocalist and the band.

“He knows everyone,” Natalie shouted.

Missy cupped her ear, and caught Bam’s eye. He gestured her over, and the girls headed into the section. Backstage, plastered with posters, with not even enough space for the band, the vocalist wiped his brow and offered his hand.

“Neil,” he grinned, and particularly fastened his gaze on Natalie. “You girls local?”

“Both,” Bam spoke up, before they could. “You comin’ back to ours?”

“Why would we?” Natalie frowned.

“That’s where we’re headed, after the show,” Neil nodded. “Bam’s mom let us camp in their living room than our dingy old van.”

“How ‘bout it?” Bam grinned.

Missy turned to Natalie who hid her smile.

“Alright,” Missy raised her eyebrows, and Clutch rejoined the crowd, and she watched them play the rest of their lineup.

Bam watched her with a gaze, surprised at the door to see Jenn arrive, who promptly sat on his lap. She smiled to Missy and Natalie, but glared to other girls who slinked away into the shadows.

“You can’t be serious,” Natalie whispered to Missy. “He knows everyone.”

“Alright, calm down,” Missy chuckled. “He’s a skateboarder. I’m sure he knows Tony Hawk, too.”

“But this is unreal, Miss,” Natalie shook her head. “You’ve got to get us into this crowd. I’m sick of only watching from the sidelines. Let’s see how it looks from the inside looking out.”

“He’s not famous, Nat! He was only in that one movie with Johnny Knoxville.” Missy pointed. “Look! He’s still living with his mom, Nat.”

April and Phil’s house came round the corner, and Missy parked the car. Bam had already arrived, in a debate with his mom who wrapped a dressing gown round her frame, and greeted them all, even Neil with some cordiality.

“Please try and keep it down,” April rubbed her eyes.

“Of course, Mrs Margera,” Neil nodded, and the girls could barely hold their smiles.

Inside, the decor was warm and pleasant and clean. Bam popped beers, and sat round the sofa with the band members. Jenn pulled Missy and Natalie into her own group, while the boys chatted away. It had not entered their mind that the girls would like to join, at least not yet.

“Thanks for coming,” Jenn tiredly brushed strands of hair from her fringe. “You saw all those girls crowding round Bam. He puts on his best behaviour only once in a blue moon.”

“He can’t be that bad, surely?” Natalie prompted.

Jenn glanced over her shoulder, and back to the girls.

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Jenn shrugged.

Natalie stood for a beer, but Missy peered into Jenn’s eyes.

“Are you sure?” Missy raised her eyebrows.

“I’m just tired,” Jenn smiled, pained. “A good sleep will do me. And a bubble bath. And a massage… “

“I’m certainly not qualified,” Missy laughed. “Look, the boys haven’t forgotten us after all.”

“You have to tell us where you lovely ladies came from,” Neil offered his seat and stood.

“Aren’t you tired?” Missy frowned.

“Not at all. Being on tour means you’ve got to build up some stamina,” Neil threw back his beer.

Missy exchanged glances with Natalie, and tried to keep their faces straight.

“Missy and I used to go to high school together,” Bam nodded, while Jenn’s eyes darted.

“I moved here from Springfield in middle school,” Missy glanced to Jenn, who nodded.

“I know,” Jenn smoothed the lint from her jeans, and pulled at a bangle on her wrist.

“Another beer?” Neil offered.

“No, thanks. Still on my first,” Missy took a sip.

“Missy’s a lightweight,” Natalie chuckled. Her energy and verve took the room. “She partied all throughout Penn State, don’t you worry.”

“You did?” Neil’s eyes lit up.

“How else did she graduate, she’ll never tell me,” Natalie laughed.

Neil moved closer to Natalie, and Missy locked eyes with Jenn, who was shrugged off by Bam rising to fetch his skateboard. The sound of grinding wheels came from outside, along with the sliding door shut as Jenn rose and collected her thoughts back on the sofa.

“We’d better let you get some sleep,” Missy rose.

“Oh, already?” Natalie glanced to Neil, and back to Missy.

“I’ll just pop out for a smoke. But if you need me,” Missy raised her eyebrows to Natalie.

“Oh, that’s inviting,” Neil chuckled. “You girls always stick together?”

“Forever,” Missy laid a hand on Natalie’s shoulder.

Missy lit up outside, and Jenn joined her with a beer.

“Neil’s a good guy,” Jenn shrugged. “He’s just a bit drunk.”

“I didn’t think he’d be that short in person,” Missy whispered.

“Can she handle herself?” Jenn asked.

“Oh, yeah. More likely she’ll break  _ his _ heart,” Missy took a drag.

“I’ll keep an eye on her. I won’t be getting any sleep,” Jenn yawned. “You can stay, if you want.”

“I want to go home,” Missy smiled tiredly. “But for Nat’s sake, I’ll help you clean up after Bam. You were his babysitter once, right?”

Jenn froze, and her mouth set.

“Well,  _ we’re _ his babysitters now,” Missy touched her on the shoulder, and smiled.

Missy roused in the sleeping bag, side to side with Natalie whose morning breath got her wriggling out. Natalie looked at peace, while Missy rubbed her temples and smelled bacon under the door.

Out in the hallway, she washed her face and rinsed her mouth and checked her complexion. The mirror reminded her that only in youth, could such a recovery be faster than would otherwise.

Chatter came downstairs, and Missy found Neil cooking breakfast while April sighed and fussed, and Bam banging his utensils on the breakfast table while Jenn stirred a mug of coffee.

“Have mine,” Jenn hesitated, and handed it over with a smile. “You look like you need it.”

Natalie came downstairs shortly after, a short conversation in the kitchen and blushing to sit beside Missy.

“How was last night?” Missy whispered, while Jenn helped serve, and Bam ventured in search of Phil, and hammering fistfights ensued from somewhere in the house.

“Bam’s dad caught us. Oh, it was awful,” Natalie shook her head. “I mean, at least up until that point - it was - oh, Missy. It was - you think he’d be rough, but he’s not.”

“Tell me later,” Missy slipped out the side of her mouth, both girls smiling to receive breakfast, and their stares to Neil noticed by Bam who found this particular brand of magic curious to know about the source.

“Morning,” Phil caught Natalie’s gaze, and scratched his neck to dig into his waffles.

“Neil,” April tapped him on the shoulder. “This breakfast is excellent. You must eat great out on the road.”

“Not so much,” Neil scratched his beard, and caught Natalie’s gaze, and the table was more or less informed. “We had to buy a fan to keep the smell out. It’s four boys in a dingy space.”

“Well, that’s honest,” April clucked. “You’re doing a new single, is that right?”

“Mom,” Bam groaned. “Don’t pretend like you like anything but Journey.”

“Excuse me, I know some things,” April shook her head. “You know, if you need a model, Missy’s up for it.”

“Is she?” Neil’s gaze turned to Missy, and Natalie rankled, Jenn watched with avid eyes, and Phil continued to eat his breakfast.

“I’m starting out,” Missy clarified, eager to defuse Natalie’s frown. “April, speaking of. If your salon needs a hair model, I’m keen.”

“What are you talking about - “ April paused, and caught the girls’ looks. “Well, we’re only a small salon. You know, a record label probably needs some death metal. It’s hard for a girl to rock that look, except Jenn, perhaps.”

“I’ll do it,” Jenn smiled, raising her hand.

Neil met her gaze with only the politest of smiles, Missy and Natalie nodded along in frank acknowledgment, and Bam scoffed and forked a bit of Jenn’s waffle off her plate.

“I’ve got some news from the LA people. The production company,” Bam chewed. “They want to give me my own show.”


	5. Chapter 5

“How was it last night?” Jenn asked, swinging carrier bags beside Missy, walking together through the King of Prussia.

“So boring,” Missy eyed up a cafe, and the girls ordered and claimed a table. “This one guy came in and thought we had an area out back. I dunno what he expected, a hole in the wall or whatever.”

Missy blushed that their waitress, bending over to deliver their coffees and slices of cake, had overheard and so straightened to the next customer.

“Well, she’s getting a tip,” Missy chuckled, scalding her tongue on the coffee.

“Guess you deserve it,” Jenn laughed, and Missy’s eyes crinkled. “So how else can we hurt our credit cards?”

“I dunno about you, but my dad left me some money and it’s about dry. So if this job doesn’t work out, I’m skint.”

“I bet I could get Bam to get you a job at Fairman’s. They owe him big for the business he gets them,” Jenn carefully took a slice in her mouth and chewed.

“Well, that could work,” Missy nodded. “April meant it when she said she couldn’t really get me a job modeling a haircut. Westchester’s a small town. I’d need to look further.”

“You’re serious about this?” Jenn paused at Missy’s look. “I mean, obviously, you’re gorgeous. But it’s a hard road. Every two-bit hussy who bats eyes at Bam thinks she’s gonna turn his head. You know, not that you’re - “

“Well, I’m sure those girls only want him for his fame,” Missy shrugged. “You’re the real hero to him.”

“And you’ll get a job,” Jenn nodded, equanimity restored between the girls.

They sipped quietly and shoppers passed with squalling kids and whizzing motorised scooters.

“I should buy one of those for Don Vito. You know, Bam’s uncle with the lazy eye,” Jenn glanced over her shoulder. “God, can’t you believe it? A show. Bam had enough ideas for Jackass.”

“What was the premiere like?” Missy’s eyes shone over her mug, her cake untouched.

“Oh, the usual,” Jenn shrugged, and giggled. “It was all lights, camera, action to me. It’s not what you think it would be. And then you get to the after party…”

“What was  _ that _ like?”

“Oh, that was insane,” Jenn grinned. “Believe me. And I’m sure Bam was on something.”

The silence stewed until the waitress came to clear the table. “Are you sure you don’t want this?”

“I’ll eat it if you don’t,” Jenn pulled Missy’s plate closer.

Missy sat at the desk in her bedroom, slamming the new computer mouse as she flicked through the screens. Her resumes were updated, a picture she had taken from her camera to make employers think herself more approachable. There were no gigs she could conjure up with which to begin a modeling portfolio.

“I can’t put up a flyer at the store,” Missy had frowned when her mom got irritated. “I’d have every guy ringing me for phone sex.”

“I’m just saying,” Marian had sighed, and got up to kiss Kevin goodbye for work, and returned to clear the table. “It’s a bit of a pipe dream, Melissa. Besides, we’ve got to put some time to visit your grandma now that she’s all alone. And a trip to Florida means one of us has got to look after the house.”

“I’ll do it,” Missy shrugged. “There’s always next year.”

“Isn’t it what they say, when one partner dies the other follows?” Marian ruffled her blonde bob. “I’m just saying - “

“You’re always just saying,” Missy rolled her eyes. “I’m not going to settle like you did with dad.”

“That, my girl, is far enough,” Marian whacked her on the arm with a rolled up copy of the  _ Daily Local _ .

“I mean it,” Missy rose. “I’m going for a drive. There has to be somewhere I can start.”

Missy tapped the steering wheel as she drove round Westchester. She parked in a lot where a yoga studio had women holding rolled up mats greeting a buff trainer in a tank top. She slipped on sunglasses and entered a hobby shop, sliding her glasses atop her head as the bell jingled.

Inside she browsed their wares, frowning over the  _ Dungeons and Dragons _ sets, and came upon a landscape encased in glass, with little painted models adorning the battlefield.

“That’s taken me a year of my life, that has,” Dico grinned, and hastened hands to his hips to survey his pride and joy. “What brings you to this side of town?”

“I’m looking for a jigsaw for my grandma,” Missy’s stomach gave a wobble of guilt. “Any ideas?”

“Well, if she’s into farmscapes and all that shit,” Dico reached high and his shirt wore sweat stains. “Here’s one with ducks and chickens and hay.”

“Perfect,” Missy fetched her purse. “What’s going on over there?”

“What - “ Dico turned. “Well, they come every week. These little kids with their daddies, laying grimy fingerprints over everything. One kicked the table leg and you should’ve seen the beauty that was there.”

“Is that your passion?” Missy jerked her head towards the action figures.

“Hell yeah,” Dico nodded as he rang up her order. “Here ya go. Tell your grandma she has shit taste.”

“I’ll add it in the postscript,” Missy rolled her eyes.

Outside, Missy drew her sunglasses down from her forehead. The yoga class was in session, and she burdened her trunk with her purchase and drove out of the lot.

“I’ve got a charity do coming up,” Marian watched as Missy wrapped the jigsaw puzzle in wrapping paper. “It’d be a big help if you could come along and set up.”

“Do I have to?” Missy replied, stung. “I’ve got to buy a yoga mat. I want to start exercising more.”

“You go for those runs round Stroud Preserve, don’t you?” Marian frowned as she picked up a magazine. “I’ll ask you again later, and I expect to hear a yes.”

“Yes, Mom,” Missy rolled her eyes.

“Good,” Marian hid a chuckle, and hit the remote for the TV.

“I hope Grandma likes her present,” Missy raised her voice.

“She’d like to see you more,” Marian called. “You know she’s not got long left.”


	6. Chapter 6

Missy took a deep breath, and stretched in line with how the instructor bade the class. The sunlight streamed in through the glass windows, and while passersby might chance a look, they daren’t remain as though it were a peep show.

Women of all ages gathered in the room, and whether to eye the buff trainer or lose a couple pounds or do something social, Missy felt them all kindred spirits now she had spent a couple sessions, and though her limbs ached and she grit her teeth, she told herself it all added up to something.

“You don’t need to be here, dear,” clucked one of Marian’s friends who smiled as they all rolled up their mats. “Trust me. You should be out having fun at your age.”

“I’d like to get started early,” Missy smiled. “When I was in college, I left everything to the last minute and barely scraped through my exams.”

“Oh, college,” the woman looked for her car keys. “I wish I could go back and do it all again.”

Mystified, Missy jumped at the ringing of her cell, and answered it as she swung into the driver’s seat, waiting for the lot to empty of honking, jostling cars.

“Hey, it’s Jenn,” came the familiar voice. “D-Day’s arrived.”

“Pardon?” Missy stretched her limbs as best she could in the car.

“The production company’s here,” Jenn sighed. “Cameramen are a-flockin’.”

“You’re filming?” Missy clarified.

“Ape and Phil went to Atlantic City and the construction’s almost finished. I’ll let you guess what that means till you arrive - “

“Shit,” Missy slammed on the steering wheel. “I’ve got to go help my mom set up this function.”

“What, now?”

“Yes, now,” Missy snapped, and exhaled. “Sorry. I forgot about it till today, and my yoga class ran late… I’ll have to change and meet my mom there before she blows her top.”

“Well, you might just miss it,” Jenn responded to chatter in the background. “Bam’s picking Tony Hawk up in a limo. I think it’s gonna rain.”

“Great. Well, I’ll try and make it,” Missy promised.

She hung up and reversed out of the park, and looked both ways before driving out of the lot.

“Thanks for helping, hon,” Marian smiled, as Missy tied her sweater round her waist, and stood by her mom to move tables, lay tablecloths, and position chairs facing the front. “I really appreciate it.”

“What’s this all for, anyway?” Missy eyed the ramp, the protrusion of wood that was being worked on by a carpenter, and the curtained back area.

“Oh, you know,” Marian said breezily, handing over a mailer. “Me and the ladies went round popping these in mailboxes.”

Missy scanned the mailer as she absent mindedly lay chairs in straight lines. Her heart leaped to see the fine print.

“It’s a fashion show,” Missy glanced up at her mother, both aglow.

“For charity. And it’s clothes people have donated,” Marian clucked, and straightened the chairs her daughter had set in awkward lines. “And they’re not real models. You’ll be the youngest there by thirty years.”

“Me?”

Missy jumped up and down, and caught withering looks from a pair of old ladies pursing their lips over the refreshments. Marian waved her hand and mouthed something.

“It’s not like there’ll be any talent scouts about,” Marian frowned. “And it’s only for fun, my girl. You don’t really have to do the catwalk like those skinny girls do with their tight, constipated look. Remember, the other ladies will be more self conscious than you.”

“I’m self-conscious,” Missy frowned back. “If it’s comfortable and casual, it’s something to do with modeling nonetheless. I’ll do it.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” Marian shook her head. “Now don’t forget, we’ve still got a lot of work to do. Move those chairs from the fire exit, we don’t want someone from the borough council coming in with his clipboard to shut us down.”

Missy stood chatting with all the ladies backstage, paling in comparison to the epithets sounded out by the others who were nervous, shy and a bit excited to show off the most boring of clothes.

“Of course, they’re all washed beforehand. But to think, where did it come from?” one lady smiled, who Missy went to yoga class with. “Whose life am I wearing?”

Missy wore a faded blue dress with buttons down past her knees, and applied lipstick in the mirror before catching the gaze of another lady, fretting over the straps of her maxi dress digging into her shoulders.

“Do you want to use this colour? I think it would look better on you,” Missy started.

Marian peered backstage, mouthed some words and they all prepped into action. The most perfunctory of greetings to the assembly followed, and Missy focused on her breathing as the yoga instructor had told her.

“Please, dear,” laid the hand of the oldest lady there, brimming with energy. “If I looked like you, I’d be spending every night out. For us, this is just for charity.”

Missy smiled to cover her nerves, and watched as each lady in turn disappeared through the curtain to genial chatter and clapping, and her turn came.

“This is it,” Missy mumbled, not at all frightened of a crowd, but knowing this would preempt her future. “Here goes.”

“I was nervous, but it got easier once I did a couple rounds,” Missy nodded, and smiled.

The buffet was set out, the models in their usual wear, and the process had begun to start packing up. Inbetween nibbles of biscuits and a plastic cup of orange juice, Missy folded chairs and took tablecloths which Marian would wash back home, and a tap on her shoulder made her think just for an instant, that a talent scout  _ had _ recognised her.

“It’s me, dear,” Marian chuckled. “Some of the ladies want to go out for dinner after this? It’ll only be nibbles and wine, but as you know, most the food here was for the guests… “

“Well, I got hungry!” Missy exclaimed, and froze. “Oh, well let me just make a call.”

A breeze stirred her hair and Missy flattened it down as she came outside and flipped open her cell.

“Hey, where are you?” Jenn’s voice cut out amid cheering.

“I’m still here. Listen,” Missy wheeled. “I’m gonna stay here tonight.”

“I hoped you’d come,” Jenn sighed. “Are you still packing up?”

Missy paused. “Something like that.”

“Well, there’s always next time,” Jenn laughed. “It’s like Bam will run out of ideas. There’s always another episode to come.”


	7. Chapter 7

“You know, they’re holding modeling classes up in Paoli,” Missy leaned into the mirror, and applied dark eyeshadow.

“Why would you go there?” Jessica scrunched up her nose.

Missy turned from the mirror, capping the lid. “Why not? I’ve got some spare money. I’ll need all the help I can get.”

Jessica shrugged into her denim jacket, and the girls headed downstairs and near the living room where Marian and Kevin sat watching TV on the sofa.

“You girls heading off? Say hi to Natalie for me,” Marian smiled over her shoulder.

“She’s the one who decided we go,” Jessica shook her head. “A quiet dinner at Duffer’s would be nice, but no… ”

“Where are ya’ll going?” Kevin spoke up, and the room froze.

“Arasapha Farm,” Missy sniffed. “We’re meeting Bri and Nat there. There’s a haunted corn maze.”

“Right yer are,” Kevin shrugged.

Missy got into the driver’s seat and Jessica fiddled with the glovebox and extracted a packet of pocket tissues for her handbag.

“I’ll pay you back,” Jessica eyed Missy, who reversed down the driveway. “Say, it’s weird how often Kevin’s over. I reckon Mom will ask him to move in soon.”

“Let’s just focus on getting there,” Missy checked her watch.

“I hope you’re nervous,” Jessica tugged at a fraying fibre on her jacket. “I’m shit scared.”

Natalie was animated and in glee, while Bri focused on lighting a cigarette with shaky hands.

“I’m paying, you can’t say better than that!” Natalie spun. “Beth couldn’t come, the bitch.”

Stars twinkled from above as the nestled growths of corn had barely discernible dirt pathways. A snaking queue barely roped off formed the line surging irritably forward as minders gave them warnings and directions.

“You want my jacket?” Jessica hesitated, to Missy’s shivering.

“No, I’m fine,” Missy was glad for her friends near, as their turn came close.

“Whoo, I am so amped for tonight,” Natalie beamed. “My bestest friends! I love you all so much.”

“Yeah,” Bri glanced at Jessica who shared her aversion for frights. “We’ll maybe dump your body if we need to offer a sacrifice.”

“La-la-la,” Natalie sang, and made the minder blush when she stepped up to receive a bracelet tag.

“If I bolt, you’ll come with me, right?” Jessica asked Bri, who nodded. They took the rear, and Natalie and Missy the lead.

“I recognised a couple of guys from school,” Natalie lowered her voice.

“Anyone I know?” Missy glanced back at the queue.

“No. In face paint, on their break. We shared a cigarette,” Natalie giggled. “Let’s see how many we can spot.”

Their trek began, through whistling breezes and corn waving from side to side. Their shoes crunched gravel, and Bri whispered while Jessica held her arm.

“Grraaar!” cried a scarecrow, bloody down one eye, his teeth bared for a fight.

“Jesus shit!” Jessica squealed, and Bri panicked and looked away.

“Oh, oh, I love it,” Natalie clapped her hands. “Missy, don’t pretend you didn’t get a fright.”

The girls continued through the corn maze. Vague echoes of far off screams climbed the air and the rumbling of a chainsaw made them all pause.

“Power through, that’s what my grandma always says,” Missy tugged at her fringe.

Gravel crunched under their feet, and the corn bristled, and from another side burst a manic devil with horns, his tongue lickety-split, a blunt axe raised as a question.

“No way,” Bri ducked, and Jessica held her, and the devil circled them and disappeared into the brush.

“Come on, guys,” Natalie led on. “If I can do it, you can too.”

“It’s too much,” Bri reddened. “I’m not cut out for this.”

“I’ll help,” Jessica implored up at Missy. “Come on?”

Missy helped Bri, and the girls followed Natalie who stalked ahead, jolted by a man running past with a chainsaw, and laughing uproariously.

“There’s nothing that scares her,” Bri said bitterly.

“I wish I was like her,” Missy chuckled. “Come on.”

The corn parted to a clearing where an abandoned shack with a disused tractor parked to one side. Country music played from the shack, and the indistinct flare of a lamp.

“Don’t go in there,” Bri moaned.

Natalie stopped walking so the other could catch up.

“Do you see any other way out? Unless we break through the boundary,” Natalie pointed.

“You’re too excited by this,” Missy frowned.

“Of course! Why else did I invite you guys,” Natalie poked out her tongue. “If you weren’t such scaredy cats, I’d have taken you all for dinner.”

“She’s evil, isn’t she?” Bri kept pace with the others, as they walked up the steps of the shack.

Inside, the old timbers creaked and the radio playing country music suddenly stopped. The lamps dimmed and went out.

“Where’s the exit?” Jessica clambered.

“It’s through the other side, it’s a back passage. I saw it,” Natalie claimed, and shouted. “Look out!”

A clown, maddened by the predicament of his makeup, burst in looking grotesque a sudden flourish of colour in the midst of such drab surroundings.

“Who have we got here?” the clown hissed, and Bri’s knees clicked as she bent down to cower.

“Oh, leave her alone,” Jessica’s voice shook, and glared at Missy. “Thanks for the help.”

“You had it under control!” Missy felt a ripple of guilt, and Natalie waved them over so they might exit.

Out in the fresh air, made fresher by their departure and the presence of equally relieved, somber or disappointed or excited faces, the girls found a bench seat to retrieve their cigarettes.

“After this - ” Natalie declared, fumbling her lighter and fetching it from the grass. “ - we’re going on the haunted hayride.”

“There it is,” Jessica pointed.

Once again, Natalie had beat them there, and the diner was a shabby joint where Bri was glad to be out among society.

“I’m so never doing that again,” Bri laughed nervously and Missy accompanied the girls inside.

A booth was procured, orders were taken and burgers and fries promptly arrived. Drinks were slurped through a straw and the chatter was led by Natalie.

“So, Jessica tells me you’re going to modeling school?” Natalie took a bite of her burger.

“It’s just a couple classes,” Missy shrugged. “I’ve got to learn somewhere.”

“I’ve heard about those places,” Bri fiddled with her fries. “Aren’t they really expensive?”

“I mean, well,” Missy hesitated. “I’ve got some money from my dad left over - “

“She spent most of it on a car,” Jessica rolled her eyes.

“I’m not as frugal as her,” Missy shook her head.

“Lucky for some,” Bri giggled, but caught their glares. “You know, I mean. You’re both good with money, or you wouldn’t be here now, right?”

“I think Missy should do it,” Natalie nodded. “There’s no harm in trying. Live a little!”

The rackety whirring of a car drew their attention out the window.

“Whose piece of shit car is that?” Jessica peered.

“Oh, look,” Bri raised her eyes knowingly. “The death heads, the march of doom, the drain on society.”

Bam marched in, a cameraman following his friends.

“Yo,” Bam cast a gaze. “This is Jason Ellis - Tim O’Connor - Hanna. ‘Scuse us, we’re starving.”

The girls watched the guys pile up at the counter, and pick a booth near them with wandering eyes and errant talk, while Bam to one side began a call home and the cameraman started filming.

“Hey, ladies,” Ellis perked up. “How do ya know our pal Bam?”

“These two went to high school with him,” Natalie pointed to Missy and Jess.

“That must suck,” Tim chuckled. “Wedgies in the cafeteria.”

“Not exactly,” Missy replied.

“Are you doing an episode?” Bri frowned.

“We’ve got a list. Running ‘round doing errands,” Tim shrugged.

“Whoever gets the most done, wins,” Jason nodded.

“And that’s it?” Bri glanced away, and rolled her eyes.

“Can I see it?” Natalie took the list from Tim, and scanned it. “Well, you can keep it.”

“What’ve you gals been up to tonight?” Jason leaned over. “You’ve got a bit of hay in your hair.”

Natalie giggled, and replied, “We went out to the corn maze.”

“That’s brave,” Hanna chuckled. “Down at Arasapha?”

“It was packed,” Jessica added. “I wouldn’t recommend it.”

“We’d be fine, wouldn’t we Tim?” Jason folded his arms. “Kick the livin’ shit out of those buggers.”

“Dole out some ka-ra-te,” Tim nodded.

“Take us next time ya go,” Jason nodded, a certainty. “You girls won’t go runnin’ next time.”

The girls stood from the table, and bid goodbye. Taking separate cars, they reached Natalie’s house and bunkered down two to a bed for a sleepover.

“That Aussie’s cute, with his accent,” Natalie pulled the sheets closer.

“You can have him,” Missy punched her pillow to get comfortable. “Sorry. I’m used to mine.”

“You could’ve brought yours,” Natalie giggled. “You’re serious about being a model, aren’t you? I think you should take those classes.”

“It costs so much,” Missy yawned. “I want some money left over.”

“I mean, what else are you gonna do, work in Westchester and rent for the rest of your life?” Natalie clucked. “Face it. You should spend more time with Bam. He’s always on camera.”

“I’m not his groupie. He’s Jenn’s boyfriend and an old friend from school. That’s it,” Missy glanced over.

“No, I mean, well. You could get your start on this show of his,” Natalie turned over. “It’s a whole production crew on set. Somebody will notice you. It’s just a matter of time.”


	8. Chapter 8

“She knows I love her,” Missy rolled her eyes. “I can always fly down another time… “

“Melissa, there won’t be - “ Marian hesitated, and whispered. “There won’t be another time.”

“Well, it’s too late,” Missy stubbornly set her shoulders. “I’ve told the Margeras I’ll come along.”

“You told me you’d come to Florida!” Marian raged, and kept her voice low as Kevin headed past with the bags. “You took time off work this weekend, and now you’re going to New Orleans?”

“It’s done,” Missy wavered, but remained firm. “You know she’d want me to have fun.”

“You don’t know what she wants,” Marian shrugged. “You barely know what  _ you _ want.”

Missy fumed, and sat in the backseat of the car as Kevin drove them down the lane which wound to Bam’s new home. The gate had a security keypad and an intercom, and Kevin came round to help lug Missy’s suitcase from the trunk.

“Say hi to grandma for me,” Missy leaned in the front passenger window, shielding her eyes.

“We will,” Marian clucked, glancing to Jessica in the back, and a nod to Kevin as the window wound up.

Missy watched the car veer out of sight, and turned to the intercom. The gate slid open and she walked up the driveway, forestry on either side with birds flitting amid the shadows cast by the canopy of branches overhead. It was as peaceful as her yoga sessions, less the instructor’s moods.

The suitcase she dragged trailed after her, a steady wheeling as she rounded the corner where Bam’s new place stood. A stretch of lawn bordered by trees framing the property with a number of cars parked near a front door where a unicorn mural was painted.

Chatter and movement came louder from inside as Missy opened the sliding door.

“Cameras down,” April called. “Missy, it’s good to see ya, hon.”

The kitchen den was packed with skateboarders, members of the production crew, and the Margera family. Jenn wound to Missy’s side, squeezing her arm and smiled, and pointed introductions.

“We’re just waiting on Glomb,” Jenn sniffed, boiling the jug. “I’m just making tea, want some? We’ve got two RVs coming, but I’m driving Glomb’s truck with a half pipe attached. Do you want to ride shotgun?”

Missy saw Jenn’s wary look at Bam, and nodded. As the skateboarders trooped out at the blaring of a horn, Missy strapped her suitcase alongside Jenn’s on Glomb’s truck, and got into the passenger seat. She tore aside a fast food wrapper from the dashboard and the glovebox popped open.

“Has he got any money?” Jenn sniffed, starting the engine. “Hold on, I can’t reverse. I’ve got to turn round at the Hobbit Hole.”

“Is this really your life?” Missy watched as everyone piled into the RVs, which took the lead down the driveway. “Cameras everywhere, a huge house and fun trips to take?”

“Trust me, it looks that way,” Jenn sighed. “And believe me, sometimes I love it. But most of the time, it’s not how it looks. And thank god that Bam’s in a good mood most of the time.”

Missy checked her cell for messages, and sent a text message to her mom and Jessica, and flipped it closed.

The open road wound long and silence between the two stretched short as one topic of conversation switched to another. Missy wound down the window and the breeze calmed them both, and Jenn handed her handbag over at a red light.

“Could you see if my purse is in there? We’re almost at a service station.”

“Oh, I’ll pay,” Missy shrugged. “We can share a bag of crisps.”

“Would you?” Jenn’s eyes crinkled. “So, is your friend Natalie going to tour ‘round with Clutch?”

“I don’t think so,” Missy’s gaze pierced. “He called her, but he’s on tour all the time. I wish I was independent as she was.”

“You’re independent,” Jenn nodded. “You know, I only ask ‘cos they seemed so close.”

“Yeah, well,” Missy itched her fringe. “Natalie’s always been a free soul.”

“And you’re not?” Jenn arched her eyebrow. “Anyone on the horizon?”

“Not since college,” Missy chuckled. “I’ll tell you, I have zero energy for a relationship right now.”

“Did something happen?”

“My dad died in my senior year,” Missy shook her head to Jenn’s apologies. “I’ve grieved, you know, whatever. And I just knew I had pull through, and I’m still pulling. But he didn’t understand. You know how it is. Men bottle up their feelings, and expect you to smile and laugh at the same time they do.”

“Tell me about it,” Jenn said, after a pause.

“I think my mom-mom’s always wanted to travel and see things,” Missy glanced out the truck’s window. “My mom married young, and she doesn’t like me taking risks. But my mom-mom said to me, don’t settle. And when my dad died… well, if I stop to think about it, I don’t think I could get up.”

“Did you grieve, though? Oh, the service station is just ahead.”

“I did grieve, some,” Missy nodded, digging in her handbag and retrieving a cigarette. “But I won’t lie. Part of what helps me to move forward is to avoid going back in that bed to cry some more.”

Missy emerged from the service station, catching sight of Jenn with her arms folded leaning against the truck.

“You alright?” Missy handed over the bag of crisps.

“Look,” Jenn pointed, and shook her head.

The  _ Dreamteam _ RV where Bam and Tony Hawk held court paid homage to a pair of backpackers, wiry and smiling girls who nodded to clamber aboard.

“Can you do me a huge favor?” Jenn turned to Missy. “Could you please, just like, follow them?”

“As in join the RV? Sit with them?”

Jenn nodded and fiddled with her sunglasses before she slipped them on. Missy handed her the bag of crisps, and slung her handbag over her shoulder as she ran for the RV as the engine started roaring.

“Howdy,” Jason Ellis hailed from the window he slid open.

Bam opened the door and Missy held back the temptation to glance over her shoulder to Jenn as she climbed aboard. The only spare seat not claimed by skateboarders or camera crew was near the driver, paid to stare ahead and engage in no chatter.

“What brings you over to our side of the world?” Bam grinned, and Missy knew he knew.

The RV rocked down the highway, and somewhere in the rear was Glomb’s truck driven by Jenn. Missy flipped through a magazine and saw the camera crew setting up equipment. Jason Ellis and Tim O’Connor sat on one side of the dinette booth where the backpacker girls, Jade and Soleia sat opposite, with Rake curling his arm round one of them as he slipped into their seat.

“Yo, Missy!” Jason shouted. “You in for poker?”

“Are you filming?” Missy glanced up, and turned a page. The cameraman shook his head. “There’s not enough room, anyway."

“C’mon Tim, budge up,” Jason shuffled.

Missy took her magazine with her to the table, and both guys glanced up as though the barest scrap of corner material would do.

“Just stand,” Rake shrugged. “These guys weigh too much. You’ll be used to it right, Bam said you’re a model?”

“Once, at a charity show for old folks,” Missy glanced with a pained smile to the girls.

“Man, a model?” Tim turned his attention to the table. “Sheesh, the chicks in my high school wouldn’t so much as look at a skater. Now I’m on TV.”

Missy chewed her cheek and sat on Tim’s lap. Jason raised a cry and smirk, Rake adjusted his glasses, and the backpackers showed all enthusiasm that was necessary to accommodate.

“Your ass is bony as fuck,” Tim manuevered his head around Missy.

“You can’t see his face from there,” Jason dealt out cards. “But I can tell ya, his cheeks are beet red.”

The limo wound through traffic, and blaring police sirens saw that their final legs into New Orleans was an expedient one. Missy and Jenn chatted and pointed out the tinted windows as the crowd and roadblocks and hotel came into sight.

“So, did he behave himself?” Jenn fretted, as they got out of the limo and the police escort ringed them. Everyday citizens tried to wave and ask for autographs and clambered with their cameras.

“He was fine,” Missy shrugged. “I think he was more focused on getting a chocolate bar into Rake’s underwear.”

Jenn frowned at that, but the girls’ mood brightened once in the hotel. Bam led the way, and upstairs along a corridor was a suite of rooms guarded by a pair of bouncers. Their suitcases were duly led by a porter beside beds of which there were many.

“I’ve gotta spend some screen time with Bam,” Jenn kissed Missy’s cheek, and gripped her hand. “Thank you. You’re a real friend.”

Missy felt a warmth grow, and emerged out onto the balcony where partygoers flocked. She lit a cigarette and opened a beer and watched from the iron railing the detritus and flash of colours below. A motorbike squealed tires and from the hotel opposite, a line of girls lifted their tops for the cameras.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Rake pushed his glasses up his nose. “Missy, right?”

“Only Melissa when my mom tells me off,” Missy smiled. “I hope the prank didn’t wear you down too much.”

“Nah, I’m used to it,” Rake stood beside her. “So I hear you spent four years changing ‘We Are’ at rallies?”

“I let the team down,” Missy took a sip. “I wasn’t into the sports.”

“Neither. I got my BS in Chemistry. Class of ‘97.”

“BA in Communication - “

“Communication?” Rake frowned, and rounded on her. “What good’s that?”

Missy froze, and alighted on a pair which she drew him to with her gaze. Rake stood silent, fuming and walked away, muttering to himself. From afar, Jason broke off from making out with Jade, only to beckon Soleia for her turn.

Missy finished her beer, and flipped open her cell. She dialed as she ducked into the suite of rooms, and sat on the corner of one of the beds.

“It’s late, Melissa,” Marian sighed.

“I want to talk to mom-mom,” Missy raised her voice.

“She’s gone to bed, you can call her when you’re back home,” Marian scoffed. “Honestly, I expected better from you.”

A pit of guilt remained as Missy flipped the cell closed. She stared at the wall and practised her breathing and her gaze flickered slowly like zig zags to the ceiling, where the overhead light burned a faint imprint on her vision.

Raab, running past with a handful of beads, interrupted her musings. She got up and followed him outside, seeing where Bam and Jenn stood in thrall to the cameras, April and Phil waving to the crowd below, Don Vito happily ensconced with a girl who drank from a bottle of beer.

“Yo,” Tim upward nodded, and noticed her glance at his unopened beer. “Guess I wouldn’t be a gentleman if I didn’t offer you this, right?”

“I’ve drunk about as much as I will,” Missy shrugged, and Tim popped the cap.

“So, uh,” Tim cleared his throat. “Not like this needs explanation, but - thought I’d tell ya all the same in case it comes up - ”

“You’re seeing someone?” Missy raised her eyebrows.

“Hope I didn’t give you the wrong idea,” Tim gestured with his beer. “You’re a beautiful gal, any guy would be lucky to have ya.”

“Now you’re a gentleman,” Missy smiled. “Seriously. I just look tired ‘cos my mom’s chewing me out about going to Mardi Gras.”

“Ah, moms. Can’t live with ‘em or without ‘em,” Tim chuckled, finding easier ground.

Silence waned until a few seconds passed.

“It’s not serious, but we’ve sorta just started something,” Tim began. “I mean, her folks are from Arizona, it’s sorta a long distance thing while my skateboarding’s taking off… “

“Tim - Tim,” Missy grabbed his arm and shook it. “It’s OK. I’m not about to put on rollerskates to race her down the aisle.”

“Nah, it’s nothing like that,” Tim grinned. “For real? Cos you chicks sure know how to hold a grudge.”

“Life goes on,” Missy shrugged. “And you’ve got to put your skateboarding first, right? Look at where Bam’s show takes you. Not that you couldn’t on your own, of course.”

“Course,” Tim raised his eyebrows, a devilish grin. “Nah, I’m set. Habitat’s sponsored me to go to Cambodia.”

“Good for you,” Missy replied coolly. “My outlook is, there’ll be time for relationships later. It’s my career that needs tending to.”


	9. Chapter 9

Missy pulled up in front of the building, and the sight of potential competitors made her blood boil. All were pretty girls, whether blonde or ginger or dark haired, and on that note Missy promised to try a shade darker in the salon. Her chestnut hair had been straightened before she arrived, and in her best clothes she stepped out as she joined through the double doors, into the space set aside for the modeling class.

The instructor cast them all a weary eye, and perhaps he had seen the best and was disappointed. He clapped and led them in an introduction while they sat on fold out chairs, and outlined how he would work on their posture, their walk, their confidence and habits which led to success.

“I’m so excited,” whispered a girl, who introduced herself as Katie. “It’s like having a personal trainer. I need the motivation just to get out of bed in the morning.”

“An expensive personal trainer,” Missy raised her eyebrows.

Along a wall, the instructor asked everyone to walk forward, come to a stop and turn, and gave feedback based on these observations. Most of all, he pronounced that the habits to be undertaken had to be kept up, that a beauty regimen was essential, and that repeat attendance in the class would ensure results.

“I’m sure all of you are feeling nervous,” his wan, tired face showed no exuberance. “Relax. We have seen many clients signed from here. It is a matter of perseverance.”

Missy glowed at that, and nodded.

“It doesn’t hurt to start working on your diet,” the instructor fiddled with the sunglasses hanging from his shirt. “If you gain a couple pounds, no sweat. But you need to be on your A-game. Who knows when you’ll be called in for a shoot?”

Hushed whispers broke out at that, and expectant faces with renewed determination faced him, which only melted his resolve.

“We’ll break for ten minutes. There’s a cafe across the street, remember what I said about dieting.”

Missy knew she had cheated once or twice, and the dinner Kevin had cooked last night along with dessert had been too tempting to resist. She had passed by a store earlier that day to browse the racks, and had fingered the next size up, wondering if she should confirm her fears…

“I’ve always thought my posture is kinda bad,” Katie stood outside with Missy, who lit a cigarette. “I saw in the olden days, women used to use a backboard. I tried holding a broom handle behind my back, you know with my arms hanging on the other side? I don’t know how they did it back then.”

Missy blew out smoke and nodded. She found cigarettes didn’t entirely cut out her appetite.

“I had to take out a loan to enroll in this course,” Katie pulled out a file and took to her nails. “I work down at the Book Barn? It’s nice and quiet, I bought myself a little book on poetry, they let you do that sometimes. The customers are mainly old folks who just like to remember the old days.”

Missy thought back to her grandma, and how she had apologised over the phone for not visiting.

“Don’t apologise,” her grandma, Trudie, had barked back. “Do you know how much your mother puts me on edge? Yes, I’ve grieved over your grandpa passing. But it’s the first time in decades I have the house to myself and everyone wants to tell me how to spend my final hours. I tell you, Melissa. Make it count. Because it all ends too soon.”

“It’s a slow night,” her coworker shrugged, and Missy looked up from the pile of lingerie she was hanging on racks. “You can leave early if you want.”

Missy gathered her things and slung her handbag over her shoulder.

“You sure you’ll be OK?” Missy peered.

“It’s only an hour till closing,” her coworker opened a fresh pack of gum. “If I need to pee, I’ll flip the back in five sign. There’s really been no foot traffic lately. You know I saw the camera store downtown closing? Makes me wonder if places like this will stay open.”

“Places like this probably will,” Missy frowned, and smiled. “Not that I’m an expert, but you know.”

“It’s about time I moved on,” her coworker stretched. “I’ve been typing up resumes. The Lilypad’s hiring, you know, calligraphy and stationery for weddings. I imagine you’ll get a bit of a pay rise to take on my duties as well.”

Outside, Missy breathed in the fresh air and finished a cigarette in the parking lot before she got into the car. She flipped open her cell and checked her messages, and caught one from Jenn several hours ago that the Margeras were back from LA and would she like to see Bam’s driveway skatepark?

“ - and bring a change of clothes if you wanna stay,” Jenn concluded.

Missy did not have anything besides her yoga gear in the back, but figured she might pop in quickly. Her drive to Bam’s house didn’t take long, and the automated gate whirred closed behind her as she parked outside the unicorn mural. A couple cars were parked on the lawn and she entered.

In the den, Dico and Rake were rattling controllers to  _ Street Fighter _ . Upstairs was resounding laughter and cheers and chatter. Missy slipped quietly by and took the stairs.

Bam and his crew including the skateboarders were seated in the living room facing the fire, with a few girls she recognised from around Westchester to boot. Snooker cues were held aloft and rubbed with chalk to clack balls while  _ HIM _ played soulfully from the stereo.

“Missy,” Jenn got up from Bam’s lap, and embraced her with a hug. Her smile was strained. “It’s good to see you. Please god tell me you’re staying.”

“Course,” Missy smiled automatically, sensing Jenn’s discomfort, and led by her friend into the throng.

“You already know some of the group,” Jenn smiled proudly to have a friend in her corner. “This is Danny Way - Kris Markovich - Colin McKay.”

Missy noticed most of the skaters paying homage to what Danny Way had to say, who stood apart from Bam whose friends pulled and tugged at each other like children. Danny rose to give his seat to the girls who squeezed in together.

“I made you a bed in the spare room, to the right of the bathroom upstairs. I’ve laid out sleeping bags for the guys,” Jenn rattled off, sounding as though she had not had an opportunity to speak amid the male conversation which picked up in volume and ardor as though they had not been interrupted. “I was hoping to go to bed soon, but I’d have to put towels under the door because I can hear them… “

“It’s OK,” Missy nodded. “How was LA?”

“Oh, hot and sunny. You would’ve liked it,” Jenn leaned her head on Missy’s shoulder. “In fact, I reckon next time we go, I should get some names of talent agencies. It totally slipped my mind while we were looking for flair.”

“I’m going to this modeling class,” Missy began, and told her the particulars. “It’s this guy who kinda just tells everyone to eat less and try really hard. And if we slump he tells us it’s a matter of attitude. But you know, the other people I go there with, they’re a friendly bunch. It doesn’t seem as competitive when the instructor says that everyone gets a callback eventually.”

Jenn frowned at that, but Bam rose too quickly for Missy to reply.

“Who’s coming to Rex’s?” Bam jangled the keys to his Hummer.

Many of the guys departed, and those who saw only the girls for company quickly departed outside with skateboards, to grind and flip and chat some more. Missy eyed Tim O’Connor in the hubbub and smiled, which he returned with a salute and headed for the door.

“I’m gonna go run a bath,” Jenn stretched. “I think I’ve still got some bubbles left. God, he’ll be out all night. I can finally stretch my legs! And you know, when Bam farts in the night, if he’s awake, he’ll shake the covers so the smell hits my face all at once.”

“I don’t envy you,” Missy laughed, following Jenn upstairs. “I remember those days. My ex had a single bed and we both went to class sore as fuck.”

“What was he like?” Jenn asked, as they entered the bathroom, and Missy leaned against the doorframe while Jenn opened the cupboard under the sink.

“At the time, I thought he was great,” Missy folded her arms, and cast her gaze to the ceiling to recollect. “He was buff and had a great smile, broad shoulders. He was just big enough that when he laid on top of me, it felt like he could block out the sun. It was a gentle weight, so comforting.”

“What happened between you two? Sorry, I forgot. You told me on the drive to New Orleans, right?”

Jenn procured the bubble bath, and the girls entered Bam’s bedroom, where an ensuite beckoned. Faucets were run and Jenn unscrewed the lid.

“Well, when my dad passed,” Missy cleared her throat. “I realised I wanted to move on. I didn’t want to engage further. I liked him, but I knew I’d resent him if I tried to glue it together out of hope. I ended it, he didn’t like that, of course once he got another girlfriend he didn’t care. It was his safety blanket of sex on tap, though we were too tired after studying or partying to do it most nights anyway.”

“That sucks,” Jenn closed the toilet lid and sat down. “Bam and I don’t do it much, either. This one time - well, let’s just say, when we do, it’s good. But like tonight, for example. He didn’t even care if I came along. I sometimes think there’s more to it, you know what I mean?”

Missy knelt down with her legs curled and her head in Jenn’s lap who played with her hair.

“Sometimes I doubt whether I should be a model,” Missy laughed, croakily. “I mean, I want to be one, of course. But I wouldn’t let anything stop me. When my dad passed, I kinda tried to move past it. And my mom-mom’s on her way out. Will I keep grieving, or will I move forward?”

“We all have to let our emotions out,” Jenn sniffed. “Bam’s crazy to live with. If I kept it all in, I’d explode. But then, he just calls me hysterical… “

“That’s part of why I don’t want to get into a relationship,” Missy glanced up, rose and turned off the faucet in time. “There’s too much about myself I don’t know, to open up to another person and ask them to deal with it instead. At times, I do just want a protector. But that’s what my mom’s doing with Kevin. But what if he leaves?”

Missy left Jenn alone in the ensuite and walked through Bam’s bedroom out onto the landing. She glanced down where the living room was full of the detritus of the skateboarder’s belongings and empty beers and pizza boxes. Further still, through the windows Missy could see the skateboarders congratulating one another with cheers as flips and grinds were performed.

She found the guest bathroom and washed her face and rinsed her mouth with water. She could spot a pimple coming through in the mirror and pulled back the skin of her face and let it sag to spot any lines. Dispirited that she felt behind already, she switched off the light and headed into the spare bedroom.

It was a double bed, made with clean, white sheets of the simplest pattern and with a bedside lamp she switched on before turning off the overhead. With the door closed she twisted out of her clothes and snuggled up tight where she counted the squares on the ceiling.

She tried to think of her dad’s face, but it became blurred with Kevin’s, and her fists curled. She switched off the lamp, wishing through the dark some hope would materialise, and reminded herself that in the silence of the house, to be grateful for that at least, and snoozed lightly off to sleep.

Light filtered underneath the door broken up by footsteps padding past, and Missy rubbed her eyes to change into the same clothes as the night before. She pulled at her hair hoping it did not stick out, and resolved to ask the modeling instructor if dying her hair darker would increase her chances.

Out on the landing, the smell of bacon rose and the skateboarders were gathering at the kitchen to receive plates doled out by April. Missy saw Bam’s bedroom door still closed, and came downstairs to see April’s smile, who held out a mug of coffee.

“Black, just the way you like it,” April chuckled, and frowned to see one of the skateboarders merely dump his finished plate on the counter.

Missy took her breakfast to the living room, where discarded sleeping bags and belongings still resided and sat upon a one seater facing the balcony window, and squinted. Her plate balanced on her lap and with a sip from her mug invigorating her, she tucked in with a fork and knife.

The conversation between the guys which up until now had been a happy medium, a constant to drown out her thoughts, paused when she glanced up and noticed Danny Way breaking off from the group, his posse almost mournful at the loss of their leader, and seating himself on the sofa adjacent with a quiet nod.

Far off they heard the screech of wheels and slamming of doors. Bam’s arrival was generally announced, and his demand to go straight to bed surprised nobody, and Missy caught Danny’s eye and lowered her gaze to her breakfast.

“I’ve been there,” Danny’s voice was measured, quiet and patient. “Fame hits you hardest at the start. I was bashing up cars and getting the cops called on me.”

“Really?” Missy raised her eyebrows. “I see the way the others look at you. It’s the same way they look at Tony Hawk.”

“As a skater, perhaps,” Danny shrugged, and took a bite. “But we’ve been through the rigmarole. It’s the machine that churns you out. And Bam’s fighting against any advice he receives.”

“Which is?”

“It all ends someday,” Danny cleared his throat. “I got my money and fame, but I lost my dad, my stepfather, my mentor all before that happened. You’ve got to humble yourself before the future. We all grow old. If you chase fame, you’ll never get round to telling those you love just how much you do.”


	10. Chapter 10

“It’s a decent gig,” Kevin sat at the breakfast table, where Marian smiled up at him, and Missy and Jessica swapped glances. “You’d be advertising the car at the trade show, but also answering questions. So what I’m sayin’ is, you wouldn’t have to just stand there and get bored.”

“That’s very thoughtful,” Marian squeezed Kevin’s hand. “And Missy needs the money no matter how little the money is. Won’t you say yes, Missy?”

“Of course,” Missy raised her eyebrows. “Thank you, Kevin.”

Mildly pleased, Kevin glanced at Marian. Missy and Jessica rose to collect plates and stood conversing at the sink.

“He’s trying,” Jessica lowered her voice, glancing over her shoulder.

“No, it’s good,” Missy nodded, and glanced out the kitchen window where a neighbor walked the dog, and a kid trailed on a tricycle. “So, tell me. What have you got going on today?”

“Unlike you, I’m still in the thick of exams,” Jessica chuckled. “Least I’m at Brandywine. Mom couldn’t handle having both of her daughters go far away for years.”

“And when do you graduate?”

“That is the question,” Jessica nodded. “The sooner the better. I see you living your life, and want to start doing the same with mine. Classes and study take up all my free time.”

“Breathe in,” the yoga instructor counseled, and Missy eyed the beginners who giggled and muttered behind their hands. “And out… “

Squinting in the glare through the windows, Missy bent to her mat, and began one of the stretches as instructed. She twisted like a pretzel, to demonstrate to the beginners what they might yet achieve, and found no success as she wobbled.

“Be one with your mind,” the instructor eyed Missy with a withering stare. “Take off all distractions layer by layer. And concentrate… “

Missy exited the studio with the rest of the participants and chucked her stuff in the back of her car. She drove to Kooma and met up with Jenn, and the two wielded chopsticks watching the traffic through the windows.

“He’s gearing up for a big one. Europe,” Jenn chewed, and her chopsticks slipped and she ducked under the table, and requested a new pair. 

“God, that’d be great,” Missy raised her eyebrows.

“How did the trade show go?” Jenn separated her new pair of chopsticks.

“Oh, it was fine. Kevin gave me a pamphlet and nobody really asked any serious questions. They always turn to the men for those,” Missy shook her head. “Not that I’d really remembered the content. It was just being ornamentation and holding my nose against the body odour.”

“It’s only for now,” Jenn said, after a pause. “You’ll get your big break. This is just the start.”

“What about you?” Missy roused, determined to get off the subject. “What places are you visiting abroad?”

“First Paris, Munich, then Venice and Monaco,” Jenn nodded. “Man, Bam’s excited. He’s taking a bunch of his friends - April and Phil too, of course, it’s their anniversary. But the cameras will be following him everywhere. It’s a legion of fans that stumble after him in his wake.”

“Tell me about it,” Missy nodded. “I went into Fairman’s the other day, and Bam was doing a signing for his new skateboard. Element? The queue was out the door.”

“Some idiots think it’s cool to knock on April and Phil’s door at two in the morning to ask where Bam lives, and what the gate code is,” Jenn rolled her eyes. “And Bam invites all these randoms round anyway, and they trash the place… the production company only hires people to help clean up when we’re  _ shooting _ , not while we’re inbetween episodes. It’s havoc.”

Missy browsed the shelves of the pharmacy, deciding which colour would suit her best, and wondering if she would ever be one of the girls smiling on the packet in their new shade of hair. A sneeze came from the other side, and procuring a remedy for hayfever, rounded the corner of her modeling instructor.

“Oh, hey,” Missy alighted, and showed him her choice. “What do you think?”

His pause gave her concern, and he shrugged. “I quit.”

“Did - well, did they force you out?” Missy came to the first conclusion.

“No, they - “ he shook his head. “I’m sick of being their dog. All those eager faces wound up for nothing.”

“What do you mean?” Missy’s face drained, picking at the corner of the packet with her fingernail.

“I got tired of it. You know how it is,” he rubbed his face. “I mean, you’re all promised callbacks? Everyone’s so eager to buy in. It caused me sleepless nights to know some would be getting loans just to buy into their vision.”

Missy gripped his wrist. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Don’t you figure that’s what I’m doing?” he replied dully, looking her up and down. “It’s only a coincidence that a talent agency hasn’t snapped you up already. I hope you have a boyfriend to comp you. ‘Cos you’re not getting your money back.”


	11. Chapter 11

“It’ll be extra hours,” Missy curled up on the sofa, watching TV with her family while Jessica drew the curtains.

“But it’ll be good money. Supervisor of the store,” Marian nodded. “Even if I don’t like what you’re selling, you can’t complain. And you can get some of your money back that was wasted on that course.”

Missy fiddled with the cushion and raised her eyebrows in a knowing glance to Jessica as she sat down between the two. Kevin, doing the dishes, kept wisely out of sight.

“If I do get a gig, it’ll be hard to work and to find time outside my usual hours,” Missy admitted.

“Oh, stop,” Marian stabbed the remote at the TV, and turned round. “You know it’s not going to happen. Missy, I’ll grant ya, you’ve got the look. But so do a lot of girls. And while they’re on billboards, you’re stretching yourself thin and wasting opportunities.”

“I’m not just going to bum around Westchester for the rest of my life,” Missy shrugged.

“You’ve got to get yourself sorted, then you can think about settling down,” Marian sniffed. “I want grandkids, you know. But I do wish you’d have not dyed your hair quite so dark.”

“It’s very rock chick,” Jessica nodded, and got up to help Kevin at a glare.

“Just like Jenn,” Missy mused. “You know, April told me she and Phil are going away on their anniversary soon.”

“So I gathered from your sister, who you tell everything to nowadays,” Marian turned back to the TV, and raised the volume just enough.

“Hi, it’s Melissa Rothstein… '' Missy paged through her notes, sipped her mug of coffee, the morning sunlight casting on her bed. “I’ve faxed through my portfolio. Yes, I wondered if it got stuck in the mail… “

Missy hung up the phone, and marked another off her list. The big agencies, swamped with applications, could not fit in a time to see her. She had business cards, companies from the  _ Daily Local _ and other publications, and lone agents from word-of-mouth.

“Everyone wants to be famous,” Jessica poked her head in. “You alright?”

“I don’t want to take that job,” Missy glanced up. “I don’t want to just give up, like mom says.”

“You could put it on hold for a while,” Jessica gingerly stepped in, and sat on the corner of the bed.

“I should’ve studied something useful, like you,” Missy swung on her computer chair, and folded her arms. The smell of coffee invigorated her. “I didn’t like improv at high school, but it would’ve been helpful - “

“You’re a needle in a haystack, Miss,” Jessica rubbed her hand. “Look at Bam’s show, all those girls clamouring round. There’s too much competition, and not all of it is what you know. It’s  _ who _ you know.”

“I have to go for a run, clear my head,” Missy rose, and fetched her running gear. “That reminds me, my car needs a tune up. I’m so low on money right now… “

“I can lend you some,” Jessica raised her eyebrows, watching as Missy tied the cord of her jogging leggings. “I’ve got some left… “

“Thanks, but it’s dad’s money for you. It’s me who didn’t research properly,” Missy sighed.

“Same place? Stroud Preserve?”

“Where else?” Missy held onto the doorframe, as Jessica picked up a photo of their dad on a shelf of the bookcase. “You know, nothing ever changes here. But I’m going to. I’ll make it happen, even if I have to force it.”

Missy leaned against a tree and did some stretches, glad for how few passersby she had encountered. The silence did her thoughts credit, and allowed her mind to roam. She was sure there was an opportunity she missed, for if there was not, then her mom was right.

The field of flowers stretched wide and her trainers crunched against the gravel as she reached the little bridge where once she had spied a pair of kayakers launching into the brook.

Her entreaties that she resolve a path forward came to an end as the parking lot, always busy, revealed her car behind a minivan and she sat in the driver’s seat, panting and fuming, leaning against the car seat as a family gathered with their dog to pound the trail.

She flipped open her cell and dialed Jenn.

“Hey, it’s me,” Missy curled a strand of hair, and wondered if she had been wrong to make a drastic change to the colour. “I’ve just finished up a run. What’s on your plate?”

“I’m looking out at the lawn where Glomb’s helping the production company set up a golf course,” Jenn sighed. “Bam and the others are due back. I was thinking of taking a dip before they film Bam skating down a half-pipe into the pool. You’re welcome to join.”

Missy arrived with haste, and an agreement formed whereby she went upstairs and changed into one of Jenn’s bikini tops, and a pair of board shorts. She found Jenn sitting poolside on a recliner, a pizza box pushed near to share and the rippling water a calming sight, as the next recliner creaked.

“It’s such a hot day,” Jenn pushed sunglasses up her nose.

“Tell me about it,” Missy mumbled, and spared a look at Jenn as she took a slice.

The warmth and taste filled her, and one part of her knew that if she settled, at least the food would be great. She enjoyed yoga, but the constant anxieties about her weight gave her no rest.

The sound of wheels on gravel took some of the warmth out of the day, added to the far off complaints of Glomb bickering with the on-site builders of the golf course under construction.

“Here we go,” Jenn capped the sunscreen, and rubbed her arms. “I’ve just got my passport renewed.”

“For Europe?” Missy queried, and Jenn nodded. “Damn, that must be exciting.”

Bam rounded the corner with his friends, including skateboarders Tim O’Connor and Jason Ellis.

“Pack up yer shit, we’re filmin’,” Bam threw his arms up, and called for the ramp to be brought in.

Jenn folded her arms and Missy curled up her legs, the better to watch the ramp wheeled forth, the cameramen circle, and Bam and Dico to launch in using various apparatuses.

“Move over,” Bam ushered, drenched and splattering water as he bent for a crust. “Order me some more!”

“You’ve just had liquid lunch with the boys,” Jenn shielded her eyes.

“Are you going in?” Bam turned to Missy.

“Eventually,” Missy nodded, and caught Bam’s stare. “Don’t.”

“Don’t, Bam,” Jenn warned, and Bam nodded and wandered off.

From afar, his friends and skateboarders chuckled and some followed but others remained behind.

“I flat with three other dudes and we’re out of toilet paper,” Jason took off his shirt. “I’m not passin’ up a chance to live like a millionaire.”

Jason took a running leap, and the splash drenched the girls. He emerged, and Jenn pried an inflatable recliner from the shed and chucked it in. Jason wobbled on it and fell in and lost no enthusiasm as he doggy paddled back up again.

“Try again, try some more,” Jason shouted, relaxing at last, the rays on his slightly tubby chest.

“They say they’ll be half an hour. Dickheads,” Bam chucked his cell in the pool. “Ellis, you’re going down.”

Missy noticed Tim laughing at the spectacle.

“Aren’t you going to help your friend?” Missy nodded.

“Ellis’ gotta learn how to be a wrestler,” Tim gestured. “He’d be one already if he didn’t corral the cash as a skateboarder. Me? I’d do some stand up comedy with some money behind me.”

Missy shielded her eyes to watch the spectacle play. Jenn stood with hands on hips, gauging Bam’s mood, who lost and took it with savoir faire.

“I think you should join him,” Missy pointed. “I wouldn’t waste a trip in the pool.”

“You’re dry as gingerbread,” Tim frowned. “Whose boardshorts are those?”

“Bam’s, but Jenn lent them,” Missy shrugged.

Tim paused, then tore off his shirt. He offered his hand. “Let’s do it together.”

Missy smiled at his daring, rose and they jumped in, bubbles up her nose as she surfaced and met Tim’s gaze.

“Blink some more,” Missy chuckled. “You’ve got water all in your eyelashes.”

“Maybe I’m born with it,” Tim quipped, and laughed. “I haven’t seen you on any magazine covers lately.”

“Hey, you get to hang around a crew of skateboarders,” Missy pushed him with her foot, bobbing in the water and wincing at the splashes from the others. “It’s not like there’s a cult of models where we give each other tips and go on one big safari shoot together.”

“I geddit. I’m from Jersey, New York originally,” Tim began. “Nowhere but behind the back of a K-Mart with a shitty dumpster to skate. Now? I’m loaded, baby. Well, I’m not starving. And I didn’t think skateboarding would make me a career, until it started happening for Tony Hawk.”

“And this one,” Missy nodded to Bam. “But he’s fierce, and his show took off, and he’s got millions of fans.”

“It’ll happen for you,” Tim shrugged.

“So everyone says,” Missy touched the bottom of the pool and propelled herself up, climbing on the edge, dabbling her feet in the water.

Tim swam near, and Missy looked down at him.

“If I was a jerk I’d pull you back in,” Tim squinted and shielded his eyes, with hair under his arms.

“You are a jerk to ask me,” Missy raised her chin, and raised her eyebrows knowingly.

Tim hesitated, and shrugged. “It didn’t work out. We can’t see enough of each other.”

“Perhaps it’s no different now,” Missy watched Tim’s face. “I’d take every chance to be a model. Well, within reason, of course.”

Glomb staggered into sight, tired and dirty. “Golf course is up. Is the shower free?”

Missy tugged at Tim’s fringe and stood up, noticing Jenn had been watching them from the sidelines.

“I’ll wash this before I give it back,” Missy gestured to her swimwear, her hair clinging.

“You know, Bam’s inviting a shitload of friends abroad. Dunn - Raab - O’Connor - Frantz, well of course, he’ll be doing the camerawork,” Jenn peered. “I asked Bam if I could bring one of my friends.”

Missy stared, hope rising like a phoenix, and burst into shrieks and clutched Jenn.


	12. Chapter 12

“Your mom’s not best pleased,” Kevin broke the silence, as Missy sat in the passenger seat.

“To be honest, Kevin,” Missy inhaled. “I’ve got my car in the shop, not a lot of money in the bank and I’ve just left my job to go on this trip. Her happiness isn’t really top of my list, hard as it is to get.”

The car wound up the lane where Bam’s castle resided, and the gate came into sight.

“Your grandma’s coming up from Florida. Your mom thinks she’d do better in a retirement home, while they wait for the sale to go through,” Kevin stopped the car, and Missy glanced momentarily out of the window before turning to him. “It’s gonna be a tough time for her.”

“You can tell her I have to do this,” Missy got out of the car, and already pulled her suitcase from the back seat even as Kevin came round to help her. “Thanks for dropping me off, by the way.”

“You’re very determined,” Kevin looped his fingers round his belt.

“I have to be. I’m not going anywhere farther with a BA in Communication, in this town,” Missy waved, and turned to enter the code, and heard Kevin’s car peel off as the gate opened.

The airport shuttle rocked back and forth as a light rain began to patter down. Bam chatted over his shoulder to Dunn, Missy sat in between Raab and Jenn, while Tim kept up every vestige of conversation necessary to prevent the others’ moods from slipping despite the weather.

PHL was packed. Dunn stayed outside for a cigarette, Raab and Bam headed for the lounge for booze, Missy and Jenn headed towards a magazine kiosk and added some snacks to boot.

At a stop in the ladies’, Missy watched the recent departures pour through and a girl ran into a guy’s arms waiting with a bouquet of flowers and a kiss.

“There wasn’t one cubicle worth using. My thigh muscles will be toned from hovering so carefully,” Jenn lowered her voice. “Look at them two. Me and Bam used to be like that.”

The girls climbed the staircase, showed their passes and joined the guys overlooking the runway nibbling on peanuts and causing nuisance to passengers with raised voices.

“Thanks again for letting me come,” Missy teetered atop a bar stool, and watched her glass of champagne fizz. “I don’t know how to pay you back.”

“The production company covers it,” Jenn shrugged. “Even Glomb came late notice. If they can cover him, they can cover you.”

“With any luck, I’ll get spotted on the street,” Missy played with her fringe.

“I like your hair like that,” Jenn smiled. “The darker does suit you, you know.”

Jenn glanced over her shoulder, and took a deep breath as she faced Missy.

“I just hope he’s on his best behavior,” Jenn shook her head. “This is a trip of a lifetime for me, too. I want to make some memories with him.”

Missy staggered out of the connecting tunnel, following Bam and the others who rubbed their eyes and groaned out into the night, where they took two taxis and Paris beckoned before them.

Amidst her exhaustion, Missy glanced up at the lights, the scenery, the magic.

They stopped outside Derby Eiffel and Bam fished some cash out of his wallet and suitcases were lugged into the elevator after a quick chat with the desk clerk. Missy said her goodbyes and took to her own room, with a small bed and curtains which she pulled open to glimpse the view.

She checked her voicemail and used international minutes but nobody was at her house. She leaned against the shower wall and watched the water sluice off her fringe, toweling in a fluffy robe and landing on the bed. She sighed as the duvet settled back into position.

“I wish we had this at home,” Missy sniffed, and slurped the rest of her coffee and smacked her lips. “Delicious. Can I have your baguette?”

“You’re supposed to be on a diet,” Jenn giggled, and picked at pieces of bread.

The girls sat at a table near the footpath, watching the buzzing passersby. Beyond stretched gardens where they took for a walk to and snapped pictures of each other. Jenn was telling her how she had been seated next to Frantz the flight from PA and how he wouldn’t shut up about his new Maxxum, when the Eiffel Tower came into sight.

“They’re somewhere over there,” Jenn vaguely indicated. “And Ape and Phil are higher still. Is this everything you thought it would be?”

“And more,” Missy smiled, and linked her arm through Jenn’s. “Ooh, look. I’ve always wanted to afford Hermes, let’s see if it’s just like the movies.”

Night fell, and with it a chill which warranted Missy dress warm, in a black trenchcoat and hose which ripped during the transit but neatly hidden by a pair of stiletto boots. She took the elevator down into the lobby where she met the back of a cameraman, filming Vito choking out Bam, and slipped by when possible to exit where the hotel’s facade illuminated Dunn and Tim sitting at a table outside.

“Where you going so late at night?” Dunn puffed on his cigarette.

“Out,” Missy waved her arms. “Don’t you see? This is all a playground for us.”

“Us?” Dunn chuckled. “You better bring some body armor. The French are notorious flirts.”

Missy heard the screeching of wheels and saw Tim skating up beside her as she rounded the corner, the Musee le Armee coming into sight just beyond.

“You’re coming?” Missy folded her arms, and eyed his skateboard. “I hope you know how to wield that thing if we get robbed.”

“A skateboard’s not a weapon,” Tim shook his head. “You’ll find in the Louvre. It’s a work of art.

Missy scoffed and watched Tim jump a bench and grind the next one with ease. Her gaze darted warily though she found with him by her side, a great deal more safer.

“Where’re we going, anyway?” Tim concentrated, leapt a rubbish bin, and skidded to a halt to begin walking beside her.

“Franprix,” Missy pointed to the faintly glowing logo of a fruit far off. “If you brought a few Euros, apparently there’s this machine which churns oranges into juice you can take home.”

“This is why we left the States,” Tim pounded on his chest like Godzilla. “For juice!”

“For juice,” Missy nodded. “And all the sights to remember, ‘cos it might be our last.”

“Maybe for you,” Tim pointed companionably. “I’m going places. You know I have to ask - “

“No,” Missy stirred, bravely and with antagonism towards his advances. “I’m not a model yet.”

“Here you’ll get picked on,” Tim gestured with his arms open. “Unless all the dudes are schtupping their mistresses, some talent scout will pick you. And there’ll be some magazine cover stuffed behind my toilet with your face on it.”

“You are disgusting,” Missy pushed him, and he replied with all candor and no fierceness. “But you’re right. This trip will change everything. I quit my job ‘cos they’d fire me for taking this much leave. I could’ve been a sort of supervisor, my coworker left. But I don’t want to be stuck.”

“I hear ya,” Tim nodded. “This the place?”

They entered and Tim waved off her entreaties as he reached into his back pocket. The two walked back the way they came, the bottled juice delicious, and with little to say with street lamps illuminating the path and passersby glowering with yappy dogs.

“I could get used to this,” Missy sighed, as they turned a corner where the hotel came into sight, and Dunn a pinprick in the distance with his cigarette. “I know Bam’s tough to live with, but Jenn gets to go on some pretty cool adventures.”


	13. Chapter 13

“It would be quite expensive, to buy during the festival,” the salesgirl sniffed, but a smile to hide any antagonism as she showed Missy and Jenn the wares. “And you know, the best ones are bought beforehand, and even then. For your sizes… “

The girls emerged from the changing rooms with purses in hand, and out onto the street opposite the Hauptbahnhof. Jenn’s  _ dirndl _ was cherry red with a lace bodice; Missy’s was a dark green skirt with a black apron.

“That is all my spending money,” Missy glanced both ways, and the girls darted across the street and towards where Oktoberfest splayed, full of men in lederhosen and amusement rides.

“Can we try over there? I’ll shout ya,” Jenn pointed, and the girls stopped in front of a stall selling  _ lebkuchen _ in the shape of hearts.

On a bench the girls watched other girls in  _ dirndls _ travel in packs and smile and regale with laughter, and bobbing in the crowd was Raab’s feather hat, accosted by admirers. Jenn made a face and reached into her bag for a receipt, while Missy chewed and covered her mouth.

“God, that is awful,” Jenn dropped hers with a clang in the trash can.

The girls rose and searched through the crowd some more. A tent was laid out invitingly so, where a spinning disc was gathering attendees - girls only - to sit back to back on a spinning disc for the title of victor.

“You can’t shout me again,” Missy laid a hand on Jenn’s wrist.

“Of course I can. What are friends for?” Jenn poked her to move up the queue.

The girls sat amidst the group, wide eyed for the instructor’s direction, and giggling to be this close to how defined his lederhosen made for a particular part of his anatomy. The disc began spinning, and while Missy didn’t last long, Jenn held on till almost the end, their ears ringing with cheers and applause, their faces flushed.

“Look, there’s Bam,” Jenn pointed, and saw to her dismay that a girl had opened her blouse while Bam wielded a marker pen. “You go on without me. I’ll join up with you at the beer tent.”

Missy, for all her quiet ruminations, was rather enjoying herself even if she noticed a lot of the guys were very interested in her dirndl, and tutting or shaking their head when they glanced away. She could see no dissimilarity, even catching a couple of girls who wore black or green, and discarded her curiosity when her focus fell on a rollercoaster, five loops long accommodating a cart of screaming occupants.

“Excuse me,” Missy touched the arm of a passing man wearing lederhosen, who wore an official looking pin, and whose expression was one of immediate concern as if she needed directions. “Can I ask, I am wearing this wrong?”

“The  _ dirndl _ ?” the attendant shook his head, and satisfied that her queries were sorted, moved on.

Missy saw the queue thinning, and took a deep breath and steadied herself to join the line, reaching inside her purse. Her fingers met air and she stepped out of line to let the next person through.

“Get back in the coop if you’re gonna be a chicken,” said a voice behind her.

“I’m not chickening out,” Missy raised her chin, shaking her purse. “I’m out of Euros.”

“Then I’ll shout ya,” Tim beckoned to the attendant at the rollercoaster, and reached in his back pocket.

Missy nodded and thanked him, settling into the cart and Tim jumped in beside her.

“What are you doing?” Missy stared.

“I’m living on the edge, baby,” Tim put his hand round the chair she was buckled into.

“Sir! In the Harvard sweatshirt,” the attendant called, and shook his head. Tim retrieved his arm and the cart began ascending with a little jolt.

“Even skaters have to follow the rules,” Missy’s eyes went wide.

“Even Bam’s posse?” Tim raised his eyebrows and grinned. “Won’t you get mistaken for a server dressed like that?”

“Me and every other girl wearing one,” Missy flattened and smoothed the apron. “You know, I haven’t been this nervous since my friend Natalie took me to a haunted corn maze for her birthday.”

“I’ve been on plenty of these, it’s all no sweat,” Tim gazed out, and pointed. “At least we’re not on that.”

As the cart continued to rise, Missy saw a far-off amusement ride not unlike a trebuchet, taking its occupants three sixty degrees, pausing at the top, and swinging down with force.

“I’m not scared,” Missy said out loud, and Tim shook his head. “I swear!”

“Then go on that with me after this ride,” Tim chuckled.

Missy reached over and pinched his cheek, settling her hands on the bar as the cart stilled at the top, her rings jangling as she shook, and the teetering drop below causing a few wary looks and shrill gasps from those in the seats front and behind.

“OK, I’m freaked,” Missy withdrew her hands to run her fingers through her hair, and gripped Tim’s hand. He flexed as if in pain, and holding hers, raised his arms as she covered her face with her spare hand.

“Open your eyes!” Tim cried, in the blackness of her roiling nightmare.

Missy knew she was embarrassing Tim by screaming but the fear left her and only a soft ooze of contentment as the cart came to a standstill.

“That’s it?” Missy looked around, unsteadily stepped out, and gripped onto Tim’s shoulder, though she straightened herself and walked determinedly beside him without further effort.

“You blink and you miss it,” Tim shrugged, with a wide grin. He wound his arm around her and she looked up at him as they clambered off the platform together and into the crowd.

The beer tent was packed, the wood grain of their table a target for spilled drinks, as every variety of interloper came to pay homage to Bam, and the Margeras, and even Don Vito who later she would find out, had peed under the table and had caused Frantz’ sudden exit from the group.

Missy took a drag on her cigarette, her Maß beer having been quite potent enough, and the atmosphere and her vision hazy. With laughter and conversation and shrill shouting her comrades, Missy slipped out of the table amid stares to check her voicemail, and stood stunned until Jenn returned from a break to the ladies’ to catch her gaze.

“Something the matter?” Jenn’s eyes darted from Missy’s eyes to nose to mouth.

“It’s my mom-mom,” Missy inhaled and fastened the zip of her handbag, and cleared her throat. “She went peaceful, apparently. They had just sold her house to put her in a home… “

“Oh, sweetie,” Jenn took her to a bench, where a lederhosen attendant with a pin eyed her in case she needed help. “You know she loved you. And you spent so much time with her… “

“She didn’t want me to spend time with her,” Missy folded her arms, gripping the sides as she watched the corral of colourful partygoers. “She told me to go for what I wanted. She didn’t want me to end up like mom.”

“You’re as brave and determined as anyone I’ve met,” Jenn put an arm round Missy and shook her shoulders. “If I was like you, I’d have a decent job now instead of picking up Bam’s messes.  _ I _ settled.”

Missy looked suddenly at Jenn. “I should go home, shouldn’t I?”

“It’s your decision,” Jenn said softly. “We’re to head to Venice after this, but we can drop you at the airport.”

“Fuck,” Missy rolled her eyes. “I’ll have to call my mom, or Jessica.”

“Can’t it wait till you touch down? I’m sure you’ll all be tense for the first forty eight hours.”

“No, I need money for a flight,” Missy wiped her eyes. “And I don’t think the production company will change my ticket - or if they will, it might take a while - “

“I’ll pay,” Jenn closed her hand around Missy’s, and nodded as she received a rebuke. “No, I insist. How do you think I save so well when Bam pays for everything? I’ll pay, and if you feel bad about it, you can pay me back as you go.”

“When I get a new job, you mean,” Missy laughed throatily. “God, I have to make it up to her.”

“Who, your mom?”

“She’s right,” Missy shrugged, sniffed and stood up, fastening her handbag to her shoulder. “This trip did cost me everything. And it was a blip out of reality… but I’ve got to start making sense. This whole modeling thing is not going to happen.”


	14. Chapter 14

“Thank you for coming,” Marian said quietly, and ushered the next in line along, and joined Missy over at the buffet who had loaded her plate. “It’s a good spread.”

“Well, she lived in Florida,” Missy sniffed, and glanced up at her mom. “But her home was here.”

The service had run long, and Missy had fumbled her pocket tissues to hear those speak at the pulpit. A gathering now followed where everyone had driven back to Marian’s home, stuffed full of comfy furnishings and upper-middle class finery, and Missy stood with Jessica in a corner, both wearing black and miserable.

“How was it, anyway?” Jessica lowered her voice, as she picked up bits of prawns where little kids had made a food fight, when the last of the cars had gone out the drive.

“It was worth going,” Missy remained defiant, and softened at Jessica’s upbraiding glare.

“Are you picking up any job ads in the newspaper, or… “

“I’ve applied at 21 North. Jenn knows someone there, so I might just get a couple shifts,” Missy raised her eyebrows. “It’ll be hectic and full of students but what do I care? It’s not like I’ll have time for anything else.”

“Happy birthday to you,” chorused the girls, as Brianna glanced up from her seat in Duffer’s, where the waitress brought over the lit cake, extinguished from harried exhales of laughter.

“Oh, thank god,” Bri giggled, and cut her first slice and handed it to Natalie. “No, I’m sure it tastes as good as it looks, but I’ll blow up like a balloon. The first slice will turn into the second.”

Missy smiled, pained to receive hers and confident in her decision to dig in. The rumbling emptiness gave way to a fresh bout of tears which froze and tightened the nerves in her face. Everyone saw it, but she smiled bright enough to shatter a mirror and excused herself with a packet of cigarettes in tow.

Missy blew out smoke as she watched cars drive in and out, form the better part among traffic in Westchester, and every variant of small town passersby she knew so well. Somewhere, the Margeras were finishing up their jaunts to Venice and Monaco, and she stubbed out her cigarette to duck inside.

Merry games and chatter was had as Missy replaced her seat, and with ardent determination she stuck to her resolve to keep her mood in the back of her mind, so the others wouldn’t feel it.

“Sometimes the toilet clogs, but more often than not it’s just scraps of toilet paper on the floor,” the guy shrugged, and led Missy through to the open seating area. “We get a couple folks for dinner, the menu’s on the counter. But it’s just booze and snacks. Like I said, it’s mainly college folks, not married couples on date night.”

Missy nodded, having waited a couple tables in college until it grew old, and subsisting on the interest from her trust fund. The guy pulled a rag from behind the counter and wiped the bar.

“The chef’s a bit gross, but to deal with customers, who wouldn’t be?” the guy looked her up and down. “You’ll be just the type to get new blood in the door. I’d recommend staying behind the bar where you can. It can get nuts to butts pretty quickly, and they’ll grope anything.”

Missy could find no polite reply, but the one she chose made the guy nod and complete the tour.

“Where were you before this?” the guy sized her up.

“I was with Bam Margera in Europe,” Missy chewed on her lip.

“He’s known around town,” the guy chuckled. “Man, that guy’s funny.”

Missy glanced at the mop and bucket in a corner, the backyard where the chef rested upon an upturned milk crate smoking a cigarette, saluting when he caught her gaze.

“It won’t be for long, I bet,” the guy retied his apron, chancing another glance. “You’re a model, right?”

“If only,” Missy said breezily, and slipped her sunglasses on as she fetched her car keys.

She sat with a plate of sushi in Kooma, and flipped open her cell when it rang.

“Mom, not today,” Missy sighed. “It’ll surprise you to learn, I did get the job.”

“Your grandma’s lawyers want to meet,” Marian bristled. “What for, I asked them but they were tight lipped. But there’s only one conclusion.”

“And that is?” Missy stabbed with her chopsticks, watching a costumed fish lugging a rickshaw pass by on the footpath, handing out flyers.

“The money from the house sale isn’t going to the retirement home anymore, obviously,” Marian exhaled. “I don’t think your grandma expected to give more than a remainder from the proceeds. But as for the timing, she left the rest to you and Jessica and me.”


	15. Chapter 15

“I can’t take it,” Jenn shook her head. “It’s not mine.”

Missy shivered in her beanie, fur parka and Ugg boots, tucked inside Jenn’s car for the hour long trip to Bear Creek Mountain. Jenn was equally outfitted, their suitcases in the trunk.

“Well, it’s not mine seeing as you paid,” Missy folded her arms. “You got me home when I needed it. I owe you, Jenn.”

“You could’ve at least paid in instalments,” Jenn laughed, glancing in her mirrors as she coursed onto the highway. “That’s what I would’ve done.”

“Well, such a good friend you are!” Missy pinched Jenn’s arm, becoming serious. “I’ll transfer it first thing.”

The lodge came into sight, and Missy collected the bag of crisps and other junk accumulated from a stop at a service station, finding a trash can once Jenn had parked the car. The girls dragged their suitcases across snow and entered the warmth and approached the front desk.

“One room, two beds,” Missy held up her fingers. “Now Jenn, I’ll pay - “

“No,” Jenn smiled at the clerk, and led her along the hallway, and up in the elevator, intimating all the while, “If the production company’s paying, we definitely don’t owe them. They’re paid buttloads to put Bam’s antics on air.”

Missy flipped her phone shut and pulled open the sliding door to the balcony of their room. Jenn was showering, and Missy lit a cigarette.

She had transferred a couple thousand dollars into Jenn’s account, and while plenty still remained, a chunk had gone to clear her student debt and some minor bills which needed fixing. It occurred to her that if she wanted to move out of Westchester and start anew, she had just enough to begin again, as her family once had when they had moved from Springfield.

“Bam’s got some snowmobiles prepared,” Jenn toweled her hair and pulled on some boots. “I dunno about you, but I’m excited.”

“I should’ve told Natalie,” Missy told Jenn, as they walked out into the cold, the families dislodging belongings from their cars, the cameramen trailing up ahead where the sounds of revving and shouts could be heard. “But I bet Neil Fallon will have his share of company tonight.”

“She’ll be fine,” Jenn widened her eyes. “That girl has no problem with her self confidence.”

The girls ran for the snowmobiles, and attendants helped show them the basics, speaking over them when they attempted a reply. With tentative revving and acceleration, the girls left the attendants behind, and trees flit by with birds darting overheard, the snow kicking up, Missy’s joy in her throat and she wiped her face with her arm as she careened to a stop, where Bam and the others were filming Novak in costume jumping into the icy lake.

“I feel so free,” Missy breathed, and closed her eyes.

“This is your second chance,” Jenn nodded. “Dump that useless job. You know, it didn’t occur to me before now, but Bam can probably ask someone at the production company. It must be a it’s-who-you-know situation.”

“About?” Missy frowned.

“Getting you a gig,” Jenn revved the snowmobile. “I mean, if you were into photography or acting, it’d be in the bag. It’s worth a try.”

“I don’t want to put you out,” Missy raised her eyebrows, but hope rose in her stomach. “C’mon, let’s zoom.”

Missy sat round the table with Jenn and Bam and his crew, on the public balcony looking out on those stragglers coming in last serve for rooms, and those taking their beer outside.

“Who’s coming downstairs?” Bam’s eyes glowed, and while April and Phil rose, the rest followed suit.

The cold snap of the breeze was replaced by a humid atmosphere of partying and drinking. Jenn signaled Missy to a booth she had claimed, and they nursed beers while watching girls swarm over the crew while Bam was otherwise engaged.

“It’s like I’m invisible,” Jenn sniffed, and paused to get up and counsel a girl who had stumbled out of ladies’, trailing toilet paper on her shoe.

“He’s just taken in by it,” Missy could find only scant evidence to point towards Bam’s fidelity, and her words were wearing thin towards a clear conclusion. “I’m sure he’ll settle down.”

“He’s going to Mexico in a couple weeks,” Jenn glanced at Missy. “I can’t make it, but do you wanna go, keep an eye on him?”

“I’m doing shifts at 21 North,” Missy took a sip of her beer, and caught the glance of a guy standing at the bar, and turned to Jenn. “You’ve got Tim’s number, right?”

Missy dialed on her cell as she wandered out into the parking lot, and found her pack of cigarettes empty. A man whose wife departed inside offered her one of his, and she shook her head with a pained smile.

“Yo-yo-yo,” Tim’s voice filled her ears. “This is 0800 butt shut up. We’re living in the weasel days so have yourself a hankering good time.”

“How wasted are you?” Missy frowned.

“Didn’t expect to hear from you,” Tim chuckled. “Your grandma OK?”

“No, but I thought I’d check in,” Missy traced the snow with her foot. “How’s New Jersey?”

“It’s a shithole. Yeah, my fan-damily’s here, but I’ve gotta hand it to ‘em. They know how to lay on the guilt.”

“Don’t give me that,” Missy shook her head. “You’re almost a millionaire. Don’t give me that crap.”

“Whoa, hold the judgement express. What’s got you in a tangle?”

“My grandma passed away.”

“Uh, I’m sorry. Never good with that whole dying thing.”

“And she left me some money… and I can’t work out what to do with it.”

“Donate it to the homeless. They know how to put on a shindig,” Tim shouted at some folks in the background.

“They should fit you for a straitjacket,” Missy watched the moon through the clouds.

“Are we being honest?” Tim paused. “You gotta hand it to me, I’m a good time Nelly. If that’s on your horizon.”

“It’s not. It’s not you,” Missy inhaled. “If  _ I’m _ being honest, wouldn’t it only be long distance, like your last relationship?”

“Man, Cupid’s arrow hurts. But I’ve gotta hand it to ya. One smile from you and my legs don’t function on a skateboard no more.”

“You’ll try and try again,” Missy giggled, and drew the hair from her face. “I’ve got some money behind me, so you might just see me on that magazine cover.”

“If I run out of toilet paper I’ll find a substitute.”

“Gross,” Missy enunciated, and laughed with her tongue hanging out. “Goodbye!”

She hung up the phone, glared at the man who had overheard her call, and strode in to find Bam and Jenn split apart in the aftermath of a fight which looked like it had been public.

Missy caught up with Jenn in their suite, and rubbed her back while she reached for a face cloth to wipe her sweat-stained makeup.

“I swear, Missy. It’s not worth it,” Jenn sniffed and froze. “It might look easy, but being his girlfriend is hard work. I’ve never dated somebody famous, and I never will again.”

Missy tucked her lips inside her mouth and boiled the jug. She split open a packet of green tea and brought the mug under Jenn’s nose.

“Thanks,” Jenn sipped and tested her lips with her tongue. “You’ve been with me through all of it, at least since the show started.”

“Not really,” Missy replied, discomfited. “I mean now, yeah sure, my friends are always wondering what it’s like… “

“And they’re all users, all of the people who try to get in my good graces,” Jenn pulled at her fringe, and twiddled a split end off her fingers. “When I lent you that money, I thought what if she doesn’t pay me back? If I left Bam, I’d need that money to survive.”

Jenn cleared her throat, and glanced at Missy. “I wouldn’t have many friends left if I did, but I’d have you.”

Missy nodded, and pointed at the mug. “Drink up.”

Jenn exhaled and swirled the dregs.

“Can I tell you something? That day Bam had the golf course set up on the lawn, I watched you and Tim. I knew Bam had known you since high school, and he had a crush on you. So of course I was jealous, and then when you and Tim got together… “

“We didn’t,” Missy shrugged. “If it looked that way, it wasn’t the truth.”

“Well,” Jenn gestured. “I’ll tell you the truth. In my heart of hearts, I thought you were after Bam. And you’re so beautiful, Missy. You could have any guy, and I’ve seen how Bam looks at you.”

“He knows me from ages ago, that’s it,” Missy panicked. “Please don’t think - “

“I invited you to Europe, because I needed a friend,” Jenn clutched Missy’s arm. “But I invited you to Mardi Gras to test you. And you passed. You’ve passed ever since then.”


	16. Chapter 16

“How are you feeling?” Missy smiled, sitting beside Jessica on the sofa.

“Loads of stress. The same as you felt, I’m sure,” Jessica grinned, and pulled the sheaf of papers closer. “There’s so much to study. The lecturers look at you like they don’t expect much. And meanwhile, the party season is just starting up… “

“That’s what I fell prey to,” Missy looked under the coffee table, and flipped open a copy of _Cosmopolitan_. “I don’t know how I graduated, or what I would have done. But you have to make the most of it.”

“Look at you, a senior citizen dispensing advice,” Jessica shook her shoulder. “Are you going soft on me?”

“All I’m saying is - ” Missy bounced her leg over her knee, “ - I’ve made some mistakes and learned from ‘em. I’d like to think I can put you on a better path than mine.”

“Which is?”

“Basically ruining my life,” Missy flipped through pages and rubbed the free scent on her wrists. “Yeah, I know we’ve got grandma’s money to see us through. But I unclog toilets for a living, when I’m not getting felt up by some idiot frat boy and whined at by his girlfriend. You’ll get a career straight out the gate.”

“It’s not as bad as all that,” Jessica rubbed Missy’s back. “Didn’t Jenn say she’d put in a word with Bam?”

“I’m going to see her later,” Missy flipped the magazine closed, and stuffed it behind a cushion. “She didn’t end up going to Mexico with Bam and his crew, but I haven’t been able to reach anything other than her voicemail.”

“What’s got you so busy to deal with it now?” Jessica peered. “What are you putting off?”

“Nothing,” Missy bristled. “The little yoga class I’m going to is closing down, there’s changing it into a Chinese takeaway. So now I’ve got to start learning how to do it all from home.”

“It’s been a pleasure to have you all in my class,” the instructor glanced around with a smile, his visage as worn as that she was used to from when she took modeling classes. “It’s a new life! One I’m sure you’ll congratulate yourselves on being ready and prepared to deal with.”

Missy gathered up her mat with all the other ladies, who even if they hadn’t been sticking to a routine or their diet, wore smiles for the company and the connections they had made. Leaning on the car for the cloudy warmth of the day, Missy dialed Jenn but reached voicemail again.

“Hey, it’s me. I’m just popping ‘round… hope that’s OK,” Missy swung into the driver’s seat.

She drove through Westchester, passing by April and Phil’s house to take a detour. Still filled with shrubbery and tall trees, and the decoration that marked the house out as having long since reclaimed from Bam’s terrors, April and Phil’s car wasn’t parked in the drive.

“Mexico,” Missy muttered to herself, and tapped the steering wheel.

She wondered if she should at least get their mail or water their garden, but they had probably asked someone, and she waved at Mark Hanna who was mowing his lawn with grass on his shorts from the house next door.

The lane wound to a corner outside the gate where Castle Bam resided, and Missy rolled down her window to lean over and input the gate code. No such luck.

“Hello?” Missy paged the intercom. “Jenn, are you there? Or maybe Bam?”

“Yo,” cried Novak’s voice. “Hold up.”

He opened the gate remotely and Missy drove in, the whirring behind her as the trees flew by on either side. She parked at the unicorn mural, for even Novak did not have a car and the only other one was down by the Hobbit Hole, where Bam’s latest instalment was a skater called Brandywine Eel, and his live-in girlfriend.

“What’s chewing you,” Novak grinned, and shook hands with a fist bump. “C’mon inside.”

The ceilings were high, the balcony doors and windows open with the heating on. Novak had made himself at home by pouring liquor into two glasses and offering her one. She shook her head and patted the dog, whose bowl remained empty and the cat who watched her from the landing, teetering on the rails.

“How long have you been alone for?” Missy jumped at his glance. “The place really is a shithole.”

“Only you would say that,” Novak saluted with his glass, then downed the rest.

Missy took a seat on the sofa while he maneuvered his Lazyboy for maximum comfort.

“I think anybody would,” Missy raised her eyebrows. “It’s not Jenn’s job to clean up after you.”

“Yeah, well she’s gone,” Novak glanced back, and Missy froze.

“What do you mean, gone?”

“See that,” Novak pointed to the lamp. “That’s new. And you see the TV? An excuse to buy a bigger one. And look at these scuff marks, and the window hidden behind the TV, and you should’ve seen millionaire’s room. Torn to pieces.”

“Why would Jenn do something like that?” Missy’s teeth grated to hear Novak’s insouciance. “She wouldn’t - “

“Yeah,” Novak chuckled. “She did. She rocked up - course, at the time, she lived here - and Brandywine found the place in pieces and called the cops. We rocked up a decent enough bill getting repairmen in here to fix the place before Bam's due back. ‘Course, he told me to change the code and I couldn’t find the manual so we had to call a guy out… “

“Bam knows?” Missy hesitated. “But Jenn didn’t tell me anything - “

“Why would she?” Novak peered. “She’s probably down at the cop station, hiding out at her mom’s. She’s persona no-grata, Missy.”

“She’s had plenty of opportunity to bash up his house, apparently if that’s what she did,” Missy drew a deep breath.

“You want me to tell you why she did it then?” Novak filled his glass. “Well, sorry to bust your bubble. There ain’t no great mystery. She’s crazy.”

Novak took a hit, and savoured and smacked his lips, eyeing Missy, leaning forward.

“She’s a crazy bitch. Not like you, at least. You’re quiet and you’re going places. Bam always says you should’ve been a model by now, it’s criminal.”

Missy’s hands shook as she rose and strapped her handbag round her shoulder.

“I don’t know her mom’s address,” Missy mumbled, and glared. “Do you have it?”

“Look around you. Do I look like I have the faintest idea of what my day’s gonna look like?” Novak slammed his glass on the table. “I’m livin’ day to day, Missy. And it’s a brilliant life. Millionaire takes care of me.”

“Oh, grow up,” Missy sneered. “If I can do it, so can you.”

“Yeah, serving drinks at some college bar,” Novak frowned. “Don’t act high and mighty with me, Miss. We’ve both done things to survive.”

In Novak, Missy saw the gray soulless eyes and knew she had it in her. He had less opportunities than her, but he still stuck his head out for the executioner’s axe if he could rifle through his pockets for the key to the handcuffs. But she’d never admit they were the same, in present conditions.

“You can tell Bam I’ll be back,” Missy raised her chin. “I’ll find Jenn and sort this out.”

“You’re either on our side or hers, don’t forget that,” Novak called. “You can’t have it both ways.”


	17. Chapter 17

“It’s true,” Jenn slammed her glass down on the bar at Duffer’s, where a TV played above them. “He cheated on me with like forty or fifty girls. He even asked me to join once.”

Missy tore her cocktail napkin into shreds. The lunch crowd was entering, the waitresses teetering trays and trying not to skid on the wooden floor, the chef out back yelling orders as reminiscent of her shifts at 21 North.

“What are you gonna do?” Missy rubbed Jenn’s back.

“First thing is, to get my stuff back,” Jenn exhaled. “I left some boxes in the basement, I didn’t have time to get them before the cops were called. I need to ask a huge favor.”

“It’s no problem,” Missy shook it off. “I’ve been round there since. I’ll get them for you.”

Jenn squeezed Missy’s hand and smiled at the bartender who delivered her next drink.

“I have no idea what I’m going to do next,” Jenn sipped. “Can you believe it? I was the only good thing to happen to him. Without me, he’s going off the rails.”

Missy entered the gate code, relieved that it had not been changed again, and surveyed the state of the lawn criss-crossed with ATV tire tracks. The place had a magic to it, a feel of everlasting fun as she swung out of the driver’s seat, and as she slid open the front door, a hammering in her ribcage and the throbbing of her wrists that it all was going down the tube.

“Hey-hey,” Bam raised a hand. “Been a while, stranger.”

“Where’s everyone else?” Missy darted her glance around, standing awkwardly in the living room.

“Out,” Bam shrugged, got up and lowered the stereo volume. “What’s brought you out here?”

“Jenn,” Missy stood her ground. “I need to grab her things.”

“Come sit down,” Bam paused. “I won’t bite.”

Missy took her time and glanced around the room.

“All my memories are here,” Missy exhaled. “All the fun times. That needs to stop, Bam.”

“Does it?” Bam raised his eyebrows. “You know, Jenn was on at me about one thing she got right. You should be a model.”

“And I will be,” Missy took a breath. “It’s just going to take some time.”

Bam got up, pulled a drawer open and in the space of time, Missy sank into the sofa, knowing this would be her last time in this house. Bam loped over and handed her a business card.

“That is a top tier talent agency,” Bam nodded.

Missy stared at it for a long while.

“I’ve already applied there. I mean, I knew I wouldn’t get in,” Missy shrugged, and handed it over. “But I’m not a fan of seeing a rejection letter twice.”

“You wouldn’t,” Bam cut his fingers on the corners of the card. “I’ll make a call. It’s as easy as pie. Perhaps you haven’t got enough experience. But I’m famous now, Miss. This isn’t you and me in high school. You want something, I’ll make it happen.”

Missy felt the golden haze through the windows warm her. Bam moved closer, and put his hand on her knee, and it felt good and right and he withdrew it to pour himself a drink.

“So,” Bam leaned in. “How ‘bout it?”

Missy stared as Bam did, and when proximity brought them close, she rose.

“I owe Jenn, Bam,” Missy inhaled. “She helped me out when I needed it.”

“I’m offering you help,” Bam looked her up and down.

“Yes. To be a model,” Missy fidgeted with the strap on her bag. “I said once I’d do anything.”

Missy glanced around at the house, and felt the knot in her stomach unwind.

“It’d be the easiest thing in the world,” Missy shrugged. “But I won’t settle.”

“How would it be settling?” Bam frowned, stretching his arms on either side of the sofa.

“Because I didn’t earn it,” Missy enunciated. “I didn’t work this hard for someone to just give it to me. It wouldn’t feel right.”

“I’m not sayin’ you’d definitely get in,” Bam leaned over to take a swig.

“Didn’t you?” Missy raised her eyebrows. “It would be the worst feeling in the world to know I betrayed myself for nothing.”

“That says more about you, than it does about me,” Bam glared.

“Then that’s it,” Missy shook her head. “The least you can do, is give me Jenn’s stuff back.”

“It’s in the basement, labeled and shit. I’m not a complete jerk,” Bam shouted over his shoulder.

Missy parked at an overlook where Westchester became a glitz of lights, while the stars came out. She lay on the hood of the car, her hands clasped to her stomach, practising her breathing. The heat of the vehicle warmed her back, and around her birds chirped busy with the business of mating.

She pictured every scenario of her future, and her stomach wobbled to know that no longer would she drive up to Bam’s castle, with his collection of friends and fun.

She was truly on her own, but at least she had Jenn, and her family, and Bri and Natalie and Beth.

“I’m not a bad person. I will make it,” Missy watched the fading moon behind clouds. “Whatever it takes.”

“Dessert’s on the table,” Marian called, and unmuted the television set.

Missy dropped her car keys in the little dish on a table and ruffled her hair as she pulled a spare bowl from the cupboard. Her spoon jangled as she ate quickly, and headed upstairs to the quiet of her room. A knock on her door and some spoken greeting permitted Jessica to peek in.

“Did it go OK?” Jessica scratched her nose ring.

“Jenn’s back with her mom for good,” Missy shrugged. “I half expected to find fossilised dog poop in those boxes, I tell you. But it’s over. It’s all over… “

“Please don’t think this is the end,” Jessica sat on Missy’s computer chair, and whirled round to stop suddenly with her foot and face Missy. “You know we’re all here for you.”

“Everyone except mom,” Missy folded her arms. “She told you Kevin’s moving in, right?”

“She did,” Jessica nodded slowly. “It’s a good thing. She’s moving on from dad.”

“I don’t know what I did wrong,” Missy rubbed a groove where her bra strap had cut into. “If I were Elle Woods, I would’ve gotten into Harvard by now.”

“Life is not as simple as that,” Jessica reached over and patted Missy’s knee. “Don’t you think I look at you, and see all you’re doing, and know I’ll have to put in just as much effort if not more? You’re raising the bar, Missy. Grandma couldn’t do what you do in her day, and mom chose to have a family, but you’re striking out. And if you hadn’t, I might’ve just fallen in line to stay in Westchester, too.”

“You make me sound so independent and strong, and I’m not,” Missy stared. “I doubt myself every day.”

“We all do. You’re not alone in this,” Jessica nodded. “Trust me.”

Missy lay down on the bed while Jessica leaned over and picked up a photo of their dad.

“He looks so young here, playing his guitar,” Jessica ran her finger over a line of dust on the frame. “Imagine if he were still here. How proud he’d be.”

“I never told him,” Missy said out loud.

“What, like how much you loved him?”

“I said,” Missy leaned on her elbows. “I never told him about being a model. I don’t know what he’d say. If he’d turn mom’s head around. I have no idea if he’d help or not.”

“He’d help,” Jessica raised his eyebrows. “As much as he could, even if he didn’t know how to help, he’d be there for support, cheering you on the sidelines.”

“Are we talking about the same dad?” Missy shook her head. “I regret not telling him. I wanted to stay his little girl. You always knew what you wanted to be. And I knew apart from anything else, I wanted to stand out.”


	18. Chapter 18

“Trust me, it’s just getting started,” Missy raised her eyebrows, and fetched the rag to wipe the bar counter.

Jenn settled in on a barstool, and watched Missy converse with the head chef, dart into the bathrooms for a quick check and pull some spare chairs for the seating, and wipe her brow with her arm.

“What did he say?” Jenn pointed at the chef, busy swearing at the newest hire in the kitchen.

“Today he put a pair of tongs in front of his mouth and stuck his tongue through them,” Missy shook her head. “But let’s talk while I’ve got time. How are you?”

“Still at my mom’s,” Jenn took a sip and fiddled with the stem. “But I’ve got savings. I reckon it’s time for a new start. I’m thinking we should move.”

“Us?” Missy chuckled. “That’s an idea. Where are you thinking?”

“West.”

“What, like Lancaster?”

“No. The West Coast,” Jenn brightened. “Think about it, there’s tons of talent agencies there!”

“Yes, and so does New York, I’ve heard. And it’s a lot closer to home,” Missy nodded.

“You think about it, and tell me at the festival tomorrow,” Jenn drained her glass, and slipped off her barstool to tuck her clutch under her arm. “I want to get away from all this. There’s only bad memories here. You’ve got the cash, same as me. We’ll take a flight and make it just the two of us.”

Missy watched Jenn go, and the crowd swarm in, and their gossip began, and she was reminded how small a town this was, how much a home she had made it, how long she had thought about doing exactly what Jenn suggested.

Missy rose fresh from a deep slumber, around the time when Kevin had already left for work, and Jessica to study from more on campus, and her mom to hand over what remains of breakfast there were. She unrolled her yoga mat on the porch, listening to the birds, beginning her routine and feeling the burn in her limbs.

Every ache she initially had was no more, and the most complicated exercises still on her horizon to master, yet with proficiency she did not fear the cracking of her body like twigs. That, and a healthy appetite had warmed her to succor, and she reached for her water bottle which sunk inward the longer she drew on it.

“You could open your own studio,” Marian shielded her eyes, and took a seat on the chair facing the letterbox.

“I’d need a bit more training,” Missy raised her eyebrows, and did her post-workout stretches.

“You could compete in a triathlon,” Marian shrugged. “Or be a personal trainer, provide motivation. You certainly do it well enough for yourself.”

“What is this, mom?” Missy slipped into the chair beside Marian, wiping her brow, as the elderly neighbors offered a wave in reply and shuffled along, one of them with a cane.

“I’ve figured, now that Kevin’s moved in, everything’s settled,” Marian glanced at Missy. “Your grandma’s right, about some things. I don’t regret marrying early or having children. But I see now you have opportunities open to you. I only want to help you.”

“You were so obstinate against me becoming a model,” Missy raised her eyebrows.

“If you’ve got it, flaunt it,” Marian pressed Missy’s hand and squeezed. “It was just that when I was growing up, those sorts of careers seemed such a long slog for no reward at all. If that Margera boy can get his face on TV, who says you can’t? Anyone who fights as hard as you, deserves something.”

“It’s not enough to deserve it,” Missy leaned back in the chair, still perspiring, arms folded. “Jenn wants me to move away with her, to start again.”

“Where?” Marian bolted.

“Somewhere like Los Angeles, I bet.”

“You can’t - “ Marian paused, and smiled. “I’m sure you know what’s best. But I only know this, now that I’m happy, I want you girls to be happy. And can’t you be a model in New York?”

“Jenn wants a change of scenery. I owe her, mom,” Missy reached for the plate of cookies her mom had brought out, along with a pitcher of iced tea.

“You don’t need to move to the other side of the country, just because she paid for an early exit from Europe,” Marian pursed her lips. “You place too high a value on your conscience.”

“That’s just it, mom,” Missy stared, and recounted the offer Bam had made her, during which Marian stirred little, her eyes widening. “I could’ve made it easier for myself. But I couldn’t.”

“Well, that puts a different view on matters,” Marian sniffed, and watched the hazy day pass. “How could you want to move from here? And I’m proud of you, my girl. You watch, he’ll get another girlfriend easy enough. And who wants to watch him skate and pick up after him? You would’ve been thoroughly wasted as his punching bag, and imagine if you got pregnant!”

“You’ll have to look to Jessica for grandkids,” Missy laid with her hands clasped on her stomach. “I’m not settling down until I’ve got what I want, and even then. If it comes to it, there’s a place up in Paoli Bri recommended.”

“Just make sure you freeze them early,” Marian cast Missy a glance. “And do you take the pill?”

“Not since I graduated,” Missy resettled the cushion. “It screws with your weight. As that visiting pastor mentioned when he visited our high school, abstinence is the best policy.”

“Let’s not go there,” Marian chuckled. “You know me. I’ll say the first thing that comes to mind.”

The main streets were blocked off, and cafes and restaurants threw open their doors to compete against the little tent stalls offering hot food and cool drinks and every smile flashed to invite customers in.

Missy browsed the wares with Brianna and Natalie and Beth, glad to catch up with them, filling them on all events sordid, and a warmth in her stomach to have caught them all despite their busy schedules.

“Try this,” Natalie waved a kebab under her nose. “Mmm, smells good, doesn’t it? Try meat. Try it for once in your life.”

Missy giggled and chewed and pronounced Natalie a genius, who spun on her foot and attracted stares.

“You’ve got some pocket cash, so shout us,” Beth whispered into Missy’s ear. “You know, I’m opening a little sign shop. You know, lasering and detailing. The finishing touches on fine wood to really make the product sparkle. You wouldn’t have to serve frat bros for a living?”

“I’ll think about it,” Missy smiled, and flipped open her cell and frowned.

“Are you waiting on Jenn?” Bri cast a glance at Missy.

“She’s supposed to meet me here,” Missy glanced at the throng which bustled, the smells and smoke and ardor of the town getting together.

“We’ll wait,” Bri nodded. “Go call her.”

Missy sat at a park bench underneath a tree near where the bell jingled for skateboarders to enter Fairman’s, too cool to be seen with their parents, complaining at the broken air conditioning inside.

“Jenn, what’s up?” Missy peered at her fingernail and flicked the chipped paint where weeds grew from the cavity of the brick footpath. 

“Oh, Missy,” Jenn inhaled. “I’m here, but I’m over where they’re setting up the entertainment.”

“I wish you told me,” Missy began. “I’ve been looking at some places in LA, they don’t come cheap, you know. It’ll only be just affordable once we both get jobs, and we have enough cash to cover the interim, which hopefully isn’t too much of a gap. But if you are, I’m ready - “

“Missy, Missy, come over here,” Jenn interrupted. “Please, I have to introduce you to someone.”

“Who?” Missy stood, and shielded her eyes over the tumult of the crowd.

“Andy. He plays the guitar,” Jenn crooned. “And I swear to God, Missy. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”


	19. Epilogue

“It’s alright, I guess,” Missy leaned on her car, smoking a cigarette and flicking ash as she waved the cell phone to get reception. “Can you hear me? No, it’s all the kids shouting. And Mickey’s in costume, too.”

“How many days a week is it? Can Beth sign you on for full time?” Marian asked.

“Hopefully,” Missy sniffed. “Or else I’m stuck. I’ll be back in time for Jessica’s graduation.”

“It’ll only be a low key affair. Kevin says hello,” Marian chuckled. “You know, if he plays his cards right, I’ll say yes to his proposal.”

“It’s good news all round,” Missy glanced out at the water park, stuffing her sarong into her drawstring bag, where a towel was couched. “I asked Jenn, but she said she was too freaked.”

“Well, she’s seeing someone now, isn’t she?” Marian clucked. “And Missy, you’re not settling. You’re just pursuing a different path.”

“I can’t afford to go to LA by myself, or even New York,” Missy sighed. “It’s just too much of a risk.”

“And this is to make up for it?”

“I stopped by Grandma’s house. It’s getting demolished,” Missy raised her eyebrows.

“Don’t stop fighting, my girl,” Marian laughed. “If anything, give me these stories. You know I live through you. And your sister’s chomping at the bit to have some freedom.”

“I’ll tell you how it went,” Missy grinned.

She wandered through the water park, passing couples and families and groups of excited, cheering guys in board shorts and girls in bikinis, climbing the stairs same as her, lining up as the queue thinned.

“Cross your legs,” warned the attendant to the guy in front of her.

Missy kept her face straight and her eyes widened to see him drop like a log and disappear over the edge.

“Next,” barked the attendant, checking his watch, blowing his fringe out of his face, glancing out to the great beyond.

Missy trembled and kept her face straight, holding onto the rungs, watching the red light and glancing up to the attendant.

“You look scared,” he picked something out of his teeth, and his walkie-talkie blared static.

“Fucking scared,” Missy pressed her lips in. “But if I don’t do it now - “

He ushered her with an impatient nod, she turned to the light that was now green and pushed off, all feeling leaving her body in a lovely instant.


End file.
